My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex
But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
My doctor just told me that i was color blind
that came completely out of the orange
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
I went to University to study to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day
It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
When do you know if your doctor is a quack?
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness?
I said, "NO, We all seem to enjoy it."
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind
The results came completely out of the purple!
Why did the mathematician go to the Otolaryngologist (ear nose throat doctor/surgeon)?
He was having problems with his sin(x)s
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream
I can’t wait to rub it in
“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!”
My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium
When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,
Doctor arrested for theft. He checked the purse of his patient.
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!
Well just calm down and pull yourself together.
Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
Went to the doctors and complained that I had trouble urinating.
"So, take these pills to cure your waterworks problem, then give me a tinkle." the doctor said.
Along with gender dysphoria, my doctor wanted to address my poor oral health.
She prescribed me trans-and-dental medication.
I told my doctor I keep dreaming I've turned into a wigwam or a teepee.
He said, "You're too tense".
Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."
Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."
I asked the Doctor ‘have you got anything for excessive wind?’
Doctor: I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your colon.
I asked for two doctors
But all I got was a paramedics
Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.
Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...
...just kidding, they know better.
I told me my doctor I didn’t want her to give me stitches.
She said “fine, suture self.”
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
My doctor told me I was going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon
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