Devadatta Puns

I have heard that on one occasion the Blessed One was staying near Rājagaha at the Bamboo Grove, the Squirrels' refuge. And on that occasion, early in the morning of the uposatha, Ven. Ānanda adjusted his under robe and — carrying his bowl & robes — went into Rājagaha for alms. Devadatta saw Ven. Ānanda going for alms in Rājagaha and, on seeing him, went to him. On arrival, he said to him, "From this day forward, friend Ānanda, I will conduct the uposatha & community transactions apart from the Blessed One, apart from the community of monks."

Then Ven. Ānanda — having gone for alms in Rājagaha, after the meal, returning from his alms round — went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As he was sitting there he said to the Blessed One, "Just now, lord, after adjusting my under robe early in the morning and carrying my bowl & robes, I went into Rājagaha for alms. Devadatta saw me going for alms in Rājagaha and, on seeing me, went up to me. On arrival, he said to me, 'From this day forward, friend Ānanda, I will conduct the uposatha & community transactions apart from the Blessed One, apart from the community of monks.' Lord, today Devadatta will split the community. He will conduct the uposatha & community transactions [apart from the community]."

Then, on realizing the significance of that, the Blessed One on that occasion exclaimed:

The good, for the good, is easy to do.
The good, for the evil, is hard to do.
Evil, for the evil, is easy to do.
Evil, for the noble ones, is hard to do.

source

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

I may be selfish for wanting to know this but I'm genuinely curious. I'm already helping people (I would like to believe so) by volunteering but was wondering if helping animals was taught by Buddha too.

They’re on standbi

I've been raised by what I would call emotionally immature parents (some might say narcissistic/toxic). And one of their main strategies was to use their emotions to control other family members. FE "you can't go out with your friends, because we will be alone and sad, do you want us to be sad ? You have to stay." Or "You can't say that you want to be alone, because then we will feel rejected and sad. You must stay and do what we want you to." It was a huge relief for me when I learned that I don't have to worry about their feelings to the point of subordination and I've been a lot happier since.

I'm currently reading "The heart of Buddha's teachings" and I feel that especially the chapter on right speech goes way too far. Thich Nhat Hanh says that you should not offend other people's feelings and even alter your words until you are sure that they won't be offensive. I agree that you shouldn't insult people for example. But if you encounter people like my parents and practice "right speech" in this way, you'll basically become their slave.

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

I am piecing together the following translation from this wikipedia article, but the full translation in The Book of Serenity is very similar.

>A monk asked Master Zhao Zhou, "Does a dog have Buddha Nature?"
>
>Zhao Zhou replied, "Yes."
>
>And then the monk said, "Since it has, how did it get into that bag of skin?"
>
>Zhao Zhou said, "Because knowingly, he purposefully offends.
>
>[Another] monk asked, "Does a dog have a Buddha-nature or not?"
>
>The master said, "Not [Mu]!"
>
>The monk said, "Above to all the Buddhas, below to the crawling bugs, all have Buddha-nature. Why is it that the dog has not?"
>
>The master said, "Because he has the nature of karmic delusions".

What I am confused about is the sentences 'Because knowingly, he purposefully offends' and 'Because he has the nature of karmic delusions'

Are these sentences purposefully confounding/confusing? Or is there some context I am missing? What does it mean to 'purposefully offend'? What is 'the nature of karmic delusions'?

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

Edit* title needs to be chancellor not VC

People in Sri Lanka have placed Buddhism at the utmost highest standard. This is completely fine because the core values and teachings of Buddhism are absolutely amazing and precious. In the process of doing so we Sri Lankans have also placed monks within a similar high standard. This too is fine, they are the ones preserving buddhism. But as a result of this we Sri Lankans have created a culture such that individuals are to be venerated and respected simply because they wrap themselves in a yellow robe. You could be the worst crook or criminal or thief out there, but if you ordain yourself into a robe then you have to be worshiped, cared and treated with utmost respect. At the same time anybody that shows any form of disrespect is quickly ostracized by our society. This culture of blind veneration is absolutely appaling and disgusting. Part of being a Buddhist is also about being wise and working with wisdom. Not every person that wears a robe is worthy of such devotion. It's sad that our people believe in the opposite. What they forget in doing so is the fact that Devadatta too wore a robe, mahathissa during the time of walagamba also wore a robe , heck even talduwe somarama (killer of Bandaranaike) also wore a robe.

So moral of the story, just because someone is bald and is wearing a yellow robe, but is explicitly acting in a manner which a monk shouldn't, should make you think before you start showing your utmost devotion and veneration. And when people do try to go against the common norm by showing some opposition,don't run up and start criticising such actions claiming that it's disrespectful to buddhism.

Edit https://imgur.com/a/sFCjaV3

Here is a reference where Buddhist scripture itself expects what's mentioned in the post