A comedy of eras
Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
But I still haven't been able to grasp onto it yet!
I also haven't played a game of tennis in over a decade.
See you next week See you next month See you next year See you next decade See you next century See you next millenium
when I put my grandma on speed dial.
No one's posted here all decade...
(Regards from New Zealand)
It happens only once in 10 years
It was my longest running joke of the year.
I mean, they are so last year.
It’s just a curd to me.
Hindsight will be 2020.
(In chronological order)
2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
But it seems like yesterday
A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.
He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.
((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))
Said in a discussion of whether the movie “The Page Master” was pre or post “Home Alone”.
For the love of God, don't let Kevin Bacon pass away
now the amount of girls I made wet this year is -1. :(
Finally, he was given arrest.
"You're not holding on to last year's shit"
My wife beat me to the first dad joke of the year. Damnit
It would be a Song of Ice and Fire.
Just another case of long time, no see.
Then you'll be sorry you tossed out all of your grandparents polka music.
After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade
I did New Year's Eve away from home, and my parents left on 1 and 2 (and I didn't see them on 1 because I came back after they left). They have just returned home and my father said to me: "I haven't seen you since last year". And I was like "Why? Why?"
It was at least last year
BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!
"See you in a decade"
"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"
"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."
Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."
"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...
Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.
"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.
Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T
... keep reading on reddit ➡Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless.
http://i.imgur.com/5MNBPFb.jpg
He says "Bartender, get me a beer."
The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."
The string is pissed. He goes into the alley, twists himself up, messes up his hair, and storms back inside.
"Bartender. Get me a beer."
The bartender eyes him suspiciously. "Hey, ain't you that string I sent out earlier?"
The string shakes his head. "I'm a frayed knot."
A comedy of eras
