Dead Key Puns

A Turkey

So every night for the past almost 6 years I sing her the Sunshine Song

You know, "you are my Sunshine, my only sunshine."

And after a few years I got tired of it and would start songs from the nightmare before Christmas (because I'm a big elfman nerd) and Part of your world (because I'm completely obsessed with singing out of key chick verses and the little mermaid is dope af) but she would SCREAM anytime I started anything that wasn't the Sunshine song, I love this, so I go on for a couple bars while she's screaming then calm her down and sing the right song. To be fair, she likes the I'm On The Outside by boingo, so I belt that too. Although it's only acceptable in the car.

Now here I want to add that in the description of the event I will place a * where she interrupts me and the words immediately after that * will be her words.

Ok, so she's in bed just now and I said What song do you want me to sing?

Obvs sunshine dude.

So I start with the "look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"

And she's not screaming, she has a smile on her face so my mind is like "did she become ok with this, can I finally sing a different song than sunshine and eponas song?" So I keep going thinking that I finally won.

I get to the line, "Fliiping your fins, you won't get too **fart!"

I'm fucking dead this kid played me like a fiddle.

Someone call 911 I'm ded

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

• Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

• Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

• Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

• Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

• Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

• Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

• Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

• Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

• Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

• A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

• It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

• To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

• I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

• A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

• A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...

I'm a server and at my restaurant we have an item called the lox and lox. I'm serving an elderly couple and the wife exclaims "ooo they have loxs!" The husband looks me dead in the eye and says "Does that come with any keys?"

He said it with such a straight face I almost didn't get it. I cracked up while his wife gave a loud sound of exasperation