I thought Daisy looked a little suspicious the other day...

Turns out she was a plant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hlee89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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I thought Daisy looked a little suspicious the other day...

That's when I realized she was a plant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hlee89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
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Philidelphia tastes better than Daisy

Because sweet creams are made of cheese

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
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What do you get if you cross a sheep dog with a daisy?

A Collie-flower!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommetucker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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A guy gives flowers to all of his family. To his wife he gives roses, to his parents he gives orchids, to his daughters he gives daisies.

And to his sons he gives sunflowers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FactoryBuilder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Daisy, Rose, Violet, Lily, I want you to all go get some sleep
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ServalSpots
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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Oopsy daisy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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Oh my wife notices the new Daisy variety I have growing in the garden

Thistle definitely get her attention

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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What are Daisy Ridley's favorite type of sunglasses?

"Rey-Bans!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brohansan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2015
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After the success of the new Star Wars movie, if Daisy Ridley looks for more money for the next film, and Disney say no ...

they'll call her Raisy Didley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandorClegane_AMA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2015
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Whoopsie Daisy

My wife: "Honey after you get a vasectomy you have to go to regular check ups so we don't get a whoopsie daisey" Me: "Or a whoopsie Tommy or a whoopsie Bobby"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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How does the flower cross the lake

it rose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/owarner40
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
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Puns are blooming all over this garden....Like a cat fight between a dandelion and tiger lily...

Oops...A Daisy

https://preview.redd.it/wxa25n2a58c51.png?width=2478&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e61299d08db7234a2776473a1ad3c254e04ee80

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πŸ‘€︎ u/l17charlie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Daisy.

Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin’ they hatin’

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sNaZzY-dUde
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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My wife complains I don’t buy her flowers.

In all honesty, I didn’t know she sold flowers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenAdam321
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Dad: Knock knock

Son: Whose there?

Dad: Daisy

Son: Daisy who?

Dad: Daisy me rollin, they hatin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masonmyerss1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Canape Canape
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jupiiters
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2017
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This might be my proudest dad joke so far

My daughter was meeting Daisy Duck at Disney world this morning and Daisy was signing her autograph book. I mentioned to the Disney cast member who was taking the photos that I didn't know that Daisy was left handed. The cast member said "Maybe she's ambidextrous" to which I replied "I think you mean ambiDUCKstrous".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tubabacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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A man goes to see his father at his parents house

They both sit and start chatting

Son : how was your doctors appointment?

Dad: good!the doctor gave me different medication for my memory loss

Son : oh really ? What are the name of the pills?

Dad : ( struggling to remember ) oohh...uhhh.... something to do with flowers but I can’t remember

Son: tulips ?

Dad: no , they’re very popular and everyone loves them .

Son : daisies?

Dad : no! They are bright red and romantic

Son : rose ?

Dad: YES. He loudly yells ROSE, WHAT ARE THE PILLS CALLED THAT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MNMKandyKane
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Honey Story

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.

And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.

But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.

But, oddly, afte

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishamaphone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet...

Whoops, E-Daisies!

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What flower is the biggest klutz?

A Whoopsi-Daisy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the government’s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

β€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because it’s such a terrible idea... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and they don’t repeal it, I’ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if I’m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a year”.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and won’t be repealed. So he says β€œdeal”.

The beef farmer carries on:

β€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that I’ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.

Oops e-daisies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
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i started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...

it's called "oopsie daisies"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewBrisco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend dad joked me on facebook today.

Girlfriend: Knock knock

Me: Who's there?

Girlfriend: Daisy

Me: Daisy who?

Girlfriend: DAISY ME ROLLIN', THEY HATIN'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ernie1850
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Introduced my girlfriend to Queen

GF: Hey, he's pretty good. What does he do now?

Me: Pushing daisies.

GF: What kind of job is that?

Me: A dead-end job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/veeeSix
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend got me with the worst knock-knock joke of all time

Friend: Knock-knock. Me: ...Who's there? Friend: Daisy. Me: Daisy wh- Friend: DAISY ME ROLLIN, DEY HATINNNN

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rono47
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
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Laying down the joy at work.

Half of my coworkers had new drivers installed to fix a image view problem. I am still waiting. Co-worker "I hit the new driver" Me "I want a new driver, just call me Miss Daisy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdroke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
🚨︎ report

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