One is a plain flower, the other is a self-raising flower!
My son asked, “ Why is my name Richard?”
Turns out she was a plant.
Because sweet creams are made of cheese
That's when I realized she was a plant.
And to his sons he gives sunflowers.
Thistle definitely get her attention
they'll call her Raisy Didley.
My wife: "Honey after you get a vasectomy you have to go to regular check ups so we don't get a whoopsie daisey" Me: "Or a whoopsie Tommy or a whoopsie Bobby"
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artifically inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
In all honesty, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
Daisy me rollin’ they hatin’
Son: Whose there?
Son: Daisy who?
Dad: Daisy me rollin, they hatin
My daughter was meeting Daisy Duck at Disney world this morning and Daisy was signing her autograph book. I mentioned to the Disney cast member who was taking the photos that I didn't know that Daisy was left handed. The cast member said "Maybe she's ambidextrous" to which I replied "I think you mean ambiDUCKstrous".
They both sit and start chatting
Son : how was your doctors appointment?
Dad: good!the doctor gave me different medication for my memory loss
Son : oh really ? What are the name of the pills?
Dad : ( struggling to remember ) oohh...uhhh.... something to do with flowers but I can’t remember
Son: tulips ?
Dad: no , they’re very popular and everyone loves them .
Son : daisies?
Dad : no! They are bright red and romantic
Son : rose ?
Dad: YES. He loudly yells ROSE, WHAT ARE THE PILLS CALLED THAT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME?
I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.
We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.
And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.
But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.
But, oddly, afte... keep reading on reddit ➡
The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....
The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.
Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:
“This time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because it’s such a terrible idea... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and they don’t repeal it, I’ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if I’m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a year”.
The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and won’t be repealed. So he says “deal”.
The beef farmer carries on:
“Actually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that I’ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and t... keep reading on reddit ➡
it's called "oopsie daisies"
GF: Hey, he's pretty good. What does he do now?
Me: Pushing daisies.
GF: What kind of job is that?
Me: A dead-end job.
Girlfriend: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Me: Daisy who?
Girlfriend: DAISY ME ROLLIN', THEY HATIN'
Friend: Knock-knock. Me: ...Who's there? Friend: Daisy. Me: Daisy wh- Friend: DAISY ME ROLLIN, DEY HATINNNN