I was going to be a doctor but they kicked me out of med school when they found out I was a coward...

The dean said, "It takes guts to learn anatomy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sraboy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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What do you call an award show for cows? The COWARDS

I know it’s bad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marl25flow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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People who say "no pun intended" are cowards
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffy627
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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Why are Invertebrates cowards?

Because they're SPINELESS!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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If Patricia is a coward...

Then she's a chicken Patty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zairoxss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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call them vroommunities you cowards
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashasash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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Suicide is for cowards, but...

harakiri is pretty gutsy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzi90
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2015
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I saw 2 cows staring at me from behind the bush.

I think it was a steak out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Why was the cow scared of the dark?

Because he was a coward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AT360306
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What is Donald Trump's favorite car?

Dodge Caravan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jc2pointzero
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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I once knew a guy who was afraid of milk.

He was quite the coward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedHun
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Skeletone Puns?

Hello !

My friends and I are dressing up as Skellies for a con. We will be carrying signs that will have silly phrases.

We could use more ideas! Any skeleton puns we could use that you love?

Signs will include things like: "minion seeks necromancer, PST" "Have you seen our boss mob?"

ECT!

Looking forward to hearing your ideas! Thanks all!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TogiSoYo
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
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Where do people hide their cows with perfect facial hair?

In moo-stashes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Draugr_Otaku
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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What do you call scared cattle?

Cowards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dolmunk
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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What did Dorothy think about her experiences in the Land of Oz?

She was blown away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingDraugr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2017
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The man I hired to watch my cattle was afraid of them a first. Now he cares for them like they're his children!

He went from coward to cow ward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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This one is too long for just a title. But, I promise that this really just happened.

I live in South Carolina, sort of near the coast, and Hurricane Florence is headed this way. My two youngest children--total cowards--were helping me clear out all of the storm drains and curb gutters on our street to help the expected 10-20 inches of rain drain as best they can. Any time any insect flies past them, they scream bee and run away screaming. I'm talking like they're afraid of butterflies. My youngest says that Winter is her favorite season because all the bees are dead.

So, we finish up, and I go inside ahead of them, making them put the shovels away, and I hear, from inside, them running and crying/shrieking across the front porch and inside the house.

My youngest, amidst her sobs, says, "It was as big as a baseball" and holds the one I keep on my desk up for comparison.

I think make the B sign in ASL with both of my hands, stand up and say "BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ" at them while they run away in fear, and when the middle child says, "THAT'S NOT FUNNY" I keep moving towards them with my B hands while saying, "DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST LET YOU BEE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I'm a great dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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What do you call a farmer who's afraid of his own cows?

A COWard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/colacross
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
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An American man and his son went to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one another then back at their guide. "Trust me," he told them, "It's guaranteed or your money back." Having no plans and now both understandably intrigued, the pair agreed. When they arrived at the roller coaster, they were amazed to behold the giant steel skeleton of the most intricate ride they'd ever seen. It had loops, helixes, corkscrews and drops more terrifying than anything they'd ridden back home. The son quickly rescinded his consent and turned you guys father. "There's no way I'm getting on that thing. You go first," he said, "Then you can tell me if it's worth it." Not wanting to seem a coward, the father accepted. Stepping into the first car, he seated himself. As the attendant approached to check his shoulder restraint, her couldn't help but ask, "So how exactly am I supposed to learn an entire language from a roller coaster?" The attendant smiled and replied simply, "You'll see." Anticipation turned to unease as the cars lurched upward towards the first drop. The seconds felt like hours as the car climbed higher and higher, clicking steadily while the chain pulled it skyward. As the nose of the car tipped downward and he could see the enormous drop below, his inner fear turned verbal. Without thinking he screamed, "minΓ€ kuolen!" As he rounded the first turn and into an inverted twist, he debut another exclamation well inside and burst forth. "naida!" He screamed as the ride continued. A few minutes and many foreign-tongued exclamations later, he found himself back at the station trying to catch his breath with the smiling attendant removing his restraints. His ran up to his son and declared, "It really works! I'm not sure how, but it really works!" "How was it?" the son asked unimpressed. "It was a wild ride from start to Finnish." "The son smiled weakly. "Yeah , the cabbie stole our luggage."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanMan0711
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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What do you call a person who tries to get drunk on milk?

A coward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/airtroop392
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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My uncle told me this one

Two men are walking in the jungle when suddenly one has to poop. He tells his friend and the friend says he has to go too. Of course there are many dangerous animals in the jungle so they are scared of going alone. Then the first man suggests that they get some leaves and squat back to back so they can keep an eye out. The second man agrees with him. While they are pooping a lion's roar erupts from the trees. The first man speaks

"You're sacred aren't you"

The a a second man not wanting to seem like a coward says no.

The first man says

"Then would you mind wiping your own ass"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolAsACucumber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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