Couch Bed Puns

“I don’t want to get up,” she replied. “Will you carry me?

“No,” I replied. “Get up and go to bed.”

“But I’m too tired. Carry Me?”

“No! You’re like 90 pounds now. You’re too heavy.” I said.

“Well then, pretend I’m the kitten,” she said and grinned.

So I picked up the squirt bottle and sprayed her in the face.

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

Just discovered this subreddit, so no I'll share some of my ole' dad jokes.

So, my mom is upset at my dad because he didn't get her a 25th anniversary ring.

Mom - "I can't believe you didn't get me a ring. Listen, if I am the one to die first, and you remarry, which I would be fine with, and then you get your second wife a 25th anniversary ring, I will come back and haunt you."

My father ponders this threat, and after a short pause, he looks at her and...

Dad - "Tell me, how would that be any different than now?!"

I fell asleep on the couch, because my bed Isn't that comfortable.

The next morning my mom walks into my room and notices that I am sleeping on my couch

Mom: Why are you slepping on the couch?

Me: Oh, you know. Training for marriage.

Heard my step-dad laughing from the kitchen whilst my mom only gave me a confused look.

Edit: WORDS

Me: I gotta take the ladder out of the bed of the truck so we can go get that couch for the lobby (he owns a business)

Him: Nah, just leave it in there, we could use a high chair.

They were gonna use a trailer but their hitch set-up didn't have the right electronics for the trailer lights. They ended up just bringing the couch in the bed of a friend's truck. When they arrived I got my father-in-law with, "Too bad the trailer rental didn't work out, but at least you pulled it off without a hitch." He gave me a groan and pity chuckle.

I was with my dad, and he started to fall asleep on the couch. I woke him up and told him that he was becoming a couch potato. He asks me what that is. I explain that it was someone who laid on the couch all day.

He responded with, "Yeah I'm not that, I'm a bed potato."