How are a coronation and child birth similar?

They are both crowning achievements.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofspork
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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Why were the group of coroners excited?

Because it was open Mike night!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boop66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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What's it called when the heir to the throne gets Covid?

Coronation Day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spmgd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office

It’s a pretty big undertaking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axnjxn_55
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Why are City Morgues always square?

It's because of all of the coroners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Why was Kristoff from Frozen so bad at sports?

Because he didn’t have any coronation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillarBeez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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I invented a new myth to delight my kids

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.

Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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If the queen gets sick...

Will there be a coronation?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/morphotomy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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Let’s all hope no countries are unfortunate enough to lose their monarchs.

We don’t want an entire coronation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExplodedToast
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.

>!They had coroner-virus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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There's a new epidemic among forensic doctors.

They call it 'coroner virus.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeVsTheMountain
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Why is the morgue the best place to work at a hospital?

They give you the coroner office.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonInNJ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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There was this shop in my hometown located where two streets met, they sold things like embalming tools and other specialty tools for working on dead bodies. This store was also known as....

The Coroner Store

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnJukes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.

. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

β€œNobody puts baby in a coroner”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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The medical examiner’s office was told to reduce their budget

So they had to cut coroners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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I saw Michael Stipe from R.E.M. die last night, but so far only two people know.

🎢 That's me and the coroner 🎢

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dpearse2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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Did anyone see where the dead body went?

Yeah, it's over there - in the coroner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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What did the police say when they finally caught up to the corrupt medical examiner?

Stop! We have you coroner’ed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nodzest
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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How do you tell a coroner from a surgeon?

It's a dead giveaway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tokyo-dawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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My mail order bride arrived today, deceased. The coroner's report noted she was missing an organ...

and the company refused to refund my purchase because it had already been de-livered.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Coroner Dad: He died at precisely 11-45 p.m.

Detective: Are you positive?

Coroner: It’s difficult with all the dead bodies around, but I’m hanging in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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What would you call a mortician near an intersection?

A street coroner!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/L337Cthulhu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
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Did you hear about the guy who died last week?

Apparently a Dodge Caravan lost it's radio antenna on the highway and it killed a motorcycle rider.

The police coroner called it "Van Aerial disease"

Edit: I know I butchered the joke. Some 75 year old guy told it to me yesterday, but I forgot to write it down how he said it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xAsilos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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The bellman's brother

There was this guy with no arms who lived in the bell tower of some church in Europe. Since he had no arms, he rang the bells by slamming his head against them.

One day, he fell out of the tower and died. The police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."

A few weeks later, the man's twin brother came to take over the bellman job. On his first day, he too fell from the tower and died.

Again, the police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alx924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
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Bβ™­ found dead

Bβ™­ was found dead after the C Major party. The massive amount of drugs in its system led the coroner to list it as an accidental overdose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaderMcTater
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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Why did the jealous coroner kill his girlfriend? (Dark, obviously)

So he cadaver all to himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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It's a pity the new female Medical Examiner will never get pregnant

Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2015
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I can tell I'll be a good dad

I went out to eat with a friend and his family

Friend's mom: "That guy over there is the local coroner. I sometimes have conversations with him."

Me: "What's it like to talk to a coroner? I can image the conversations to be rather dead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbone17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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So my friend's dad is a coroner...

The other day we were watching a baseball game he got called in to work. He stood up and said "well, I've got to go. Some people are just dying to see me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/touchethedouche
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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I just found out Michael Stipe from R.E.M. died, and only two people know..

That's me and the coroner.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehIrishSoap
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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