Due to PCOS, my friend bled everyday continuously for two years.

It was very long period.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/truerites
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Vampires continuously make bad decisions...

...because vampires donโ€™t reflect.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SoDakZak
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why does YouTube continually recommend videos of dancing former Vice Presidents?

I guess that's just the Al Gore Rhythm.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 159
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Garfimous
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Let's see what y'all do to continue this
๐Ÿ‘︎ 64
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Gold-Might-948
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...

"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 136
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"Itโ€™s cutting hedge technology!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.

At least for the four-seeable future.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereโ€™s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Barack Obama at our local church making continual โ€˜Ding Dongโ€™ noises.

I can see why he won the No peace Bell Prize

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jnolife
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Happy Leonardo Diโ€™Crabrio day continued
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/doucheking_bro
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"

..."No, Ken do"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/canadaddy-o
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was milking my cow this morning

While I was milking her, a fly flew right into her ear, and wouldnโ€™t come out. I tried to look into her ear, but couldnโ€™t see it. It didnโ€™t seem to be bothering her so I just decided to continue milking her. Then, suddenly as I was milking her, the fly flew right out with the milk! I couldnโ€™t believe it.

In one ear, and out the udder.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 92
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The-Chonky-one
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโ€™t.โ€ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโ€™t be buried here.โ€ I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz theyโ€™re still alive!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.

After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"

The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 62
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/domheffo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do dancers ensure job continuity during the Covid crisis?

They twerk from home.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 179
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kilokiilo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
In these dark times, itโ€™s important we all continue to make puns.

You know, to make light of the situation the worlds in right now.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KiwahJooz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
It continues
๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DepressedTrashBag
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The lock picking soldier

A woman is driving to the shops, She stops, gets out of her car, and goes to buy a newspaper.

When she gets back to her car, she realises that she has locked herself out of the car, and the keys are still inside !

She was just starting to panic, when an army truck pulls up, and asks her is she has a problem. She explains that she's locked her keys inside, and can't get in to continue her journey.

One of the soldiers then jumps down from the truck, and start rubbing his leg against the side of the car, and after a few seconds - ping - the door is open !!

She is amazed at this, and asks the squaddie how he did it.

He said,

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"It's because I'm wearing my khaki trousers"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/orcamarine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries werenโ€™t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...

"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting the bed charts.

A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"

The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.

"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"

Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.

"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Continue with this trend!!

I was hungry. So I Czeched the fridge. ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ Nothing was there, so I was Russian over to the nearest restaurant. ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ I grabbed some Turkey, but it was layered in Greece. I Haiti ting food that isnโ€™t Swedened. ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช I felt like I could Italy food in my house. ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thebitlifelover
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When the priest continued ministering, after having been officially censured, what did his bishop say to him?

What we have, here, is a failure to excommunicate.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Czernobog44
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, โ€œI heard a good joke today.โ€ Second dog replies, โ€œGo on then.โ€ First dog continues, โ€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/youthfulcomrade
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I work at the Scottsdale Fire and Police Head Quarters, and I did a darkjoke towards one of the Police commanders.

So there is a commander in Scottsdale PD named Commander Coffee, and today I asked him, in a serious tone, "Hey Coffee, can an I ask you a question?" And he responded with a serious "Sure Joe, what's up?" And then I asked "If the mafia ever put a hit on you, wouldn't that mean that they are trying to ice Coffee?" He giggled and was like "Wow, that was actually pretty good." Then continued on his way to the police side.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JO3M4M
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Iโ€™m not sure why people continue to argue and complain about Star Wars

It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Evilmentalhamster
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
the legendary revolutionary who continues to create ripples all around the world. ๐ŸŒ’
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madjholu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Someone told me that getting older is like making a soup and continually adding more spices in as you age.

I guess that explains why all these old folks are so salty.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MunchOnDat
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsโ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineโ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yungcfa
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs (continuation)

Still No Idea

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The-Real-Legend-72
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up the hammer and saw.

(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SimplisticAnswer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
"Ivanka... I am your father."

-Taxi Vader

๐Ÿ‘︎ 419
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/le672
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My fiancรฉe asked if I could sharpen her pencil. After the pencil had been sharpened, I continued to sharpen. She said โ€œokay thatโ€™s enough!โ€

I said โ€œI was just trying to make a pointโ€.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PixelSniper17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Turns out that the coronavirus is set to cost the world 2.5% of the global GDP if it continues at the rate it's going.

It's very influenzial on the worldwide market.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrFillywonk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Everyone has been asking me about my plan to continue my career as a juggler when the quarantine ends, but Iโ€™m not sure yet...

everything is still up in the air.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lankyjay16
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As we were watching a DVD, I asked my son, "Do you know Emma Watson's full name?" He shook his head and I continued...

Emmamentary Mydear Watson!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we canโ€™t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.

As much as it sucks, itโ€™s better to be safe than SARS-y

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hashsmasher
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I would tell you a dad joke

But Maury Povich determined that I am not the father.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/eurotrashcc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Here is one big if for the continued success of this sub:

IF

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/djmuhlestein
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A guy is walking along, and he continues to walk. Eventually he walks into a well. Why did the guy walk into a well?

He couldnโ€™t see that well

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My pun compulsion continues...

Friend: I had a dream about a dragon last night. Its name was Fire Fawcett.

Me: It's too bad its name wasn't Uther, since it was a PUNdragon.

Friend: ...

Me: *bows*

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yethica
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My father, who comes from a long line of clowns, just retired and wants me to continue the family legacyโ€ฆ

I've got some really big shoes to fill!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโ€™t.โ€ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโ€™t be buried here.โ€ I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz theyโ€™re still alive!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 86
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereโ€™s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereโ€™s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Locked out

This woman is driving to the shops, She stops, gets out of her car, and goes to buy a newspaper.

When she gets back to her car, she realises that she has locked herself out of the car, and the keys are still inside !

She was just starting to panic, when an army truck pulls up, and asks her is she has a problem. She explains that she's locked her keys inside, and can't get in to continue her journey.

One of the squaddies then jumps down from the truck, and start rubbing his leg against the side of the car, and after a few seconds - ping - the door is open !!

She is amazed at this, and asks the squaddie how he did it.

He said,

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"It's because I'm wearing my khaki trousers"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/orcamarine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, โ€œI heard a good joke today.โ€ Second dog replies, โ€œGo on then.โ€ First dog continues, โ€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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