How do you confuse an idiot?
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︎ May 23 2020
I always confuse claustrophobia and homophobia
Remind me, which is the one about being in the closet?
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︎ Dec 05 2019
I switched the I and O keys on my brother's laptop to confuse him and mess his typing up.
I know, I know, I'm a horrible person, but my brother would say I'm a hirroble persin.
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︎ Mar 11 2020
People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me beyond words
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︎ Jul 17 2019
Itβs incredible how many people confuse βtoβ and βtooβ.
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︎ Oct 27 2018
Why does Harry Potter confuse his cooking pot and his friend?
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︎ May 10 2019
The number of people who confuse 'to' and 'too' is amazing two me
π︎ 156
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︎ Mar 12 2018
When I was younger I would confuse the words Jacuzzi and Yakuza
It got me into some pretty hot water with the Japanese mafia.
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︎ Apr 23 2019
How do you confuse an Irishman?
Give him 3 shovels and tell him to take his pick
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︎ Apr 15 2019
A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant. I was a bit confused.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Turkey walks into a bar. The bartender looks a little confused and asks "who are you?" Turkey replied "I'm a wild turkey." Bartender replied "oh we have a drink named after you!"
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Whatβs the most confusing kind of math
Toilet paper math (20=46)
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 26 2020
I used to be so confused about everything but now I'm not sure.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Justice is served π₯
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Son: "all these plot twists are making me confused"
Me: "Hi confused, I'm Mom"
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︎ Nov 06 2020
A child in Egypt got separated from her mom in the crowd and was looking for her but got confused.
Because there were so many mummies.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My girlfriend asked me to feed her anaconda hotdogs while she is out of town. I did, but it wouldnβt touch them. Confused, I called her and asked why
She said: βMy anaconda donβt want none unless it has buns, hunβ
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︎ Oct 14 2020
My wife insisted she has nudist genes
I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans
Edit: there->their
Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I think my sink is a little clogged
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Improvise.Adapt.Overcome
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︎ Nov 07 2020
Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch...
...Yetti never complains.
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Confusing Venus with Aphrodite is no big deal.
Itβs just a mythunderstanding.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
If I had a nickel every time I was confused
Iβd be like, where the fuck do all these nickels keep coming from?
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︎ Mar 27 2020
Got a new tattoo
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
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︎ Nov 09 2020
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.
Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donβt.β And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canβt be buried here.β I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyβre still alive!"
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︎ Jul 26 2020
What do you call really confusing electronic music?
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 22 2020
*stares with confusing concern*
Her: what?
Me: ... What IS that?!
Her: what's what?
Me: there's someone on the side of your face...
Her: "what? Oh god, where" proceeds to try to wipe face
Me: right there! .. oh, it's just your ear!
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︎ Sep 22 2020
The stock market is confusing for me but
It makes cents for someone else
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︎ Sep 03 2020
Visible confusion
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︎ Dec 27 2019
What do you call a confused wireless connection?
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︎ Aug 24 2020
Confused Screaming
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︎ Jul 22 2020
I was trying to sell my car to this guy. He asked a bunch of questions about it and seemed interested, then asked βcargo space?β I was confused and told him no.
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︎ Apr 16 2020
Reposting my feet joke to a more appropriate place
π︎ 17
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︎ Nov 25 2020
APA referencing is so confusing
It doesn't make any sense et al
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︎ Jul 24 2020
Linguistic confusion.
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︎ May 03 2020
The other day I was driving by a prison and an unusually small person was scaling down the wall. I looked up at him confused as he sneered back at me.
And I thought to myself, well thatβs a little condescending.
sorry itβs a repost of myself. My original post got removed for hate speech and harassment
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︎ Jul 17 2020
They delivered materials for our new roof today. I looked out the window, confused. Said to my son, βhuh, thatβs weird. There are several pallets out there. He asked why thatβs weird.
I was just expecting a shingle pallet
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︎ Aug 04 2020
When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that. But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:
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︎ Jul 23 2020
What starts with a W and ends with a T.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Policeman: What's your name? Me: The Wizard of Oz. Policeman: What's your full name?
Me (quietly): The Wizard of Ounces.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
In Past, I used to be so confused about everything
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Yesterday I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza".
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
π︎ 15k
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︎ Apr 22 2020
I got the word "jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" confused
Now I'm in hot water with the japanese mafia.
π︎ 261
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch...
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch
Itβs abominable...
Yeti never complains...
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch.
π︎ 13
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︎ Sep 24 2020
I've gone and confused the words 'Yakuza' with 'Jacuzzi'
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
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︎ Jun 10 2020
What connection is confused?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 24 2020
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