Confirmable Puns

A Brazilian :D

You add "g" and it's GONE

Confused and upset, I asked why.

The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.

Maybe they don’t drink enough water.

A young man decides he wants to take his girlfriend to prom.

Now, prom is a BIG DEAL in this little town. Think the end of Footloose. That big.

First off, he has to buy the tickets. After class gets out for the day, he heads down to the quad and gets in line to buy tickets with legitimately about half of the school.

So he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And eventually he gets to the front of the line. He asks politely for two tickets to prom, buys them, and heads off.

Now, this young man decides that if he's going to do this, he wants to do it right and lull out all the stops. So he heads to the local florist to buy a corsage.

Again, it's a small town, and wouldn't you know it but the only florist is swamped with a line out the door.

So he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And eventually makes it up to the counter. He orders a corsage, tiger lilies, her favorite, and ensures it will be available the day of prom. Headed out the door with his receipt, he walks down the block to the only tailor/tux rental shop in two counties.

And wouldn't you know it but a big group if his fellow romantic young bucks decided to get dressed to the nines as well, and a line has formed wrapping around the building.

So he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

Until eventually he gets in, takes his place on the podium, and gets measured up. He takes his receipt to the counter, confirms there will be a tuxedo in his size available the morning of prom, and there will also be staff on hand to assist him with the proper wear and how to move in the suit.

Last but not least, he heads to the local car and limo rental, hoping to put that final flourish on the evening and ride up to the big night in style.

And wouldn't it just figure that the rental shop would be just as busy and twice as slow, with a line of increasingly ticked off customers waiting down the block. Not to be deterred, our intrepid young beau takes his place at the back of the line.

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits some more...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And he waits...

And just as the shop is about to close he make sit to the desk, managing to snag the last limo available for the night.

Everything in place, he heads home to wait for the big day.

Before you know it, it's prom night. He picks up his tux, and it fits perfectly

That’s a lox myth.

I crosschecked (2×2)

Lying, stealing etc and thinks they are going to hell. The dev gets to the pearly gates and is met by St Peter...... and their worst fears are confirmed when St Peter pulls out 10 books, all labelled with the devs name.

St Peter says "these books are a record of all the sins you have committed. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"

The dev looks down at their feet and says " I did try to be good"

St Peter says "it's ok, you can come in. You've already paid in syntax"

I responded with:

A pandemic is a disease from china spread by pandas. Hence the name pandaemic. It spreads all over the world because of zoos.

He looked at me like he was skeptical, so I askes a random stranger "hey, the pandemic came from china right?" Guy confirmed.

That poor kid.

After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!

Time does fly when you’re having fun!

You can hear a pin drop, after all.

This is because they're filled with anty bodies.

Audi, partner 🤠

unfortunately, they have no Leeds

Dick gray, son!

She replied (while using the bathroom): What are you talking about?

I said: You told me you were an American, but European.

Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...

The virus will be quarantined for 14 days

Ireland cause its always Dublin

The results were exactly what I expected.

Now I see it everywhere.

I was right all along

Os-Moses.

They can be buggy

I replied “That doesn’t sound very cute to ME, doc...”

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed “yes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

Now I see it everywhere.

A centipede. I’m a dad, can confirm

But when I do, he laughs

One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?

Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.

“Si, está.”

“Well, son. Weight is your size in relation to the Earth’s gravity.

Mass is what Catholics go to Sunday morning.”

I can confirm they are dadly.

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says “coolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

• I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that “creative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

...log cabins

They've opened a murder investigation.

When its not peeling well... (cringe moment)

Now I see it everywhere I look.

Now I see it everywhere.

Now I see it everywhere.