What's up comrade?

The ceiling

P.S. I hope it hasn't been posted as I heard it from a friend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vissthebeast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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Yes, comrade
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.

I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBiff09
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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what do you call a communist sniper

a marxman

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/humblenoob76
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?

Prime Rib!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Communism is the way comrades
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAvalonn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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I got lost while driving my suicidal friend to the hospital.

I should have seen the signs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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I dated a communist once. I had no idea. She seemed sweet. But it did NOT end well

Honestly I should have noticed all the red flags

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bicatlantis7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Communist jokes can be funny

But only if everyone gets them

πŸ‘︎ 865
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πŸ‘€︎ u/douglabe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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I got an antique dosimeter from USSR and I was pretty excited.

Then I noticed it only measures comrads.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GentleMonsta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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What are a communist's favorite units of time?

Hours.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_cat_of_war
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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I was thrown in jail for not having twine!

I couldn't make bale.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Our Joke
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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>'Enter new password' = 'chicken' > 'Password must contain a capital'

= 'chickenkiev'

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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If pronouncing by b's like v's makes me sound Russian, then Soviet.
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.

It was a so-be-it union.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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What Do You Call A Communist Potatoe Named Richard

A Dick Tater...

I'll see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CameForTheLurking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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The us navy should commission a new ship and name it "R"

The USS-R

Imagine the Russian navy getting intercepted by it; "Sir, the USS-R is behind us!" "Yes, comrade, but a strong Russia is still in our future!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleazyridr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Christmas Joke

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking towards them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. The man says to his wife "See, and trust me, Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBennett_29
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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A Russian couple is arguing about the weather.

One says it is raining, the other says it is simply a mist.

To settle their dispute, they stop and ask a guard outside the Kremlin for his opinion.

"Rudolph, please help us with this disagreement! Is it raining, or not?"

Rudolph replies, "It is raining."

"I knew we could depend on you, Comrade. You see," he says to his partner, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/finestjuggler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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Just read some books...

The night in Lisbon, Three Comrades, Spark of Life, All Quiet on the Western Front... They are all... Remarqable novels.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arm3tt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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In Soviet Russia

Back in the old USSR, a Soviet inspector met with the foreman of a large manufacturing facility.

Inspector: good morning comrade, how many men work here?

Foreman: about half

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bertrandmacklin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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A danish communist pirate tried to steal the deed to my house. I told him and his gang that it was my house and he couldn’t have it.

The pirate said, β€œNo comrade, it’s Aarhus now.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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The Communist party is training a militia wing

They're teaching their comrades to be excellent Marxmen

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NuX199
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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The Bad Spy

During World War 2, a spy working for the East, and a spy working for Great Britain infiltrated Nazi Germany.

Their mission, eliminating a Schutzstaffel officer.

They succeeded, and the british infiltrator taunted his target afterwards

However, his comrade in arms then punched him in the face.

Why ?

>!He had said "You SS are stupid."!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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I just found out my girlfriend is a communist

I should've seen the red flags sooner.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy2things
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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Rudolph joke (that I literally just heard my dad laughing about)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diolives
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
🚨︎ report

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