For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"

So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Str41nGR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Once I realized a fake cop pulled me over I didn't comply

I ensured him I had a lie sense

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
/u/DaftYao asks for pictures of hair length examples from different clipper guards. /u/815josh complies.

http://www.reddit.com/r/malehairadvice/comments/27ru6x/pictures_of_hair_length_from_different_clipper/ci3wu6m?context=3

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TuskenRaiders
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
🚨︎ report
When the flood receded... (A Math joke)

Noah let out all the animals. Two by two, they disembarked from the ark.

As Noah breathed a sigh of relief, the two snakes that were on the ark came up.

β€œNoah, Noah!” they cried. β€œCan you get us some logs?”

Noah, groaning, complied with the request.

Months pass. Noah is making some food in his home when the two snakes he gave logs return with their kids. A lot of them.

They ask, β€œCan you get us more logs?”

Noah, clearly pissed, says, β€œFine. But why the hell do you need logs to reproduce?”

The dad snake replies, β€œOh, we’re adders, we need logs to multiply.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsonDaSushiChef
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I need help solving a pun/riddle.

Context: I'm in a DnD campaign, for fifth edition.

So basically, one of my characters told a horrible pun to a planetar (Massive angel-like being) over Sending (A spell letting you communicate over long distances). "Whaddya call a celestial who likes to fish? An angel-er." and then he got asked to put his journal in the box that suddenly appeared behind hm, He complied, and when he got it back his name was gone from the first page of the book, and there was a golden box, that read "Tell me what I've pun, wizard" So I'm assuming he needs to answer in some sort of pun related to his name, Klaus Hallowmantle.

However, my brain is smoother than... I can't think of anything to compare it to all of a sudden. Oh well. Anyone who can help me with this?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Hipster_Fox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cloraxbleach420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Greek food

Did you know that, traditionally, when you serve people Greek food, you're not supposed to warn them about it?

You need to present them with a feta-compli.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arshwana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A pony walks into a tavern...

He walks over to the bar and sits down with a heavy sigh.

Bartender: "Hey buddy, why the long fa-"

Pony: "Cut the shit. We've all heard that one. Glass of scotch. Warm. No ice."

The bartender hastily complies and the pony promptly downs it in a single shot.

Pony: "Ahhh I needed that."

Bartender: "Imagine so. You look like you've had a long day."

Pony: "Nah. I'm just a little hoarse."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
You look good today!

Mum gave me these for my first day of college. It was a good ice breaker. It's a tin of 50 peppermint mints from Aldi called CompliMints:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/312284189422649355/623564249452642315/20190917_175833.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jakeycd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insect that doesn't do what you say?

Non compli-ant

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realradishreturns
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
And God said β€œLet there be light!”

So all the breweries complied and reluctantly watered down their beer.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smhanna
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A man goes to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

 

"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if you say 'Hallelujah.' "

 

Feeling annoyed, the buyer says "That's fine," and he gets up on the horse. After the seller returns to the house, the buyer, mounted on the horse, whips the reins and says, "Hiyah!!" The horse doesn't move. "Yah," he said, spurring the horse. Still no movement. Feeling a little embarrassed and stupid, he complied to the owner's instruction. "Praise the Lord," he mumbled, and the horse began quickly trotting away from the stable.

 

Wow, the buyer thought, excited. I wonder how fast this horse can go. "Praise the Lord," he said, this time at normal volume. The horse sped up considerably.

 

Amazing! I must have this horse! the buyer thought. "Praise the Lord!" he shouted. "Praise the Lord!" And the horse kept speeding up. The stable behind them was no longer visible.

But the horse and the buyer were speedily approaching a huge canyon. Seeing this ahead, the buyer commanded, "St- stop! Whoaaa, horse!" But the horse kept the charge forward. "Hallelujah!" the buyer shouted. And the horse stopped at the edge of the vast canyon, with only inches of ground to spare.

Looking up to the sky, the buyer sighed in relief. "Praise the Lord."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/littlekuribandit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Not much of a joke I guess, but I got my five year old with this at the dinner table

Me: "Don't answer my next question. Do you always do what you're told?"

She sat there for a full thirty seconds, mentally wrestling with an answer that would prove she's a good girl while still complying with the instruction to not answer the question. Eventually she settled on "Oh Daaaad!" and went back to eating.

Trolling your children, one of the perks of fatherhood.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chibolamoo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.