I kneaded you, but you weren't bready for the commitment.
My wife says I have commitment issues...
A lifelong commitment to a pun
Life/ commitment advice from my dad
"Son, excuses are like assholes. Everyone in this life has one, but not everyone uses them for the right reason."
DadJoke Commitment
My dad's favorite movie of all time is "It's a Wonderful Life" starring Jimmy Stewart. If you haven't seen the movie, you won't get this.
So, my dad changed his text-tone on his phone to a really high-pitched "diiing!". And I shit you not, every time, without fail, whenever he gets a text, he says, "Another angel just got his wings!"
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that again, I could've killed myself!
What do you call a crime, committed by a fruit?
After your uncles wife commits arson
Did y'all hear that Thanos has been committed to an insane asylum?
If you commit 90 sins, you will only get caught half the time.
My left knee has never committed a crime.
I can’t say the same for his felony.
If your dog shakes hands with your enemy, has he committed a foe paw?
What do you call a crime committed using a Su-57?
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
What happens after an alligator commits a crime?
What happened when the leader of Russia committed a crime?
What do you call a bird that has committed a crime?
If you commit a 1st degree murder in Canada
is it a 34 degree murder in the US?
How did Hitler know it was time to commit sucide.
After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?
I said "Go on then!!"
Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.
What do you call someone who commits arson in late November?
The author of Webster's dictionary committed suicide with the book he wrote.
At least he died on his own terms.
I got arrested for having one sodium atom and one chlorine atom
They said I committed a salt
What crime did a test commit?
It didn't commit a crime, the teacher just told me to turn it in.
Why did the math book commit suicide?
Because he had a lot of problems.
Schrodinger’s Cat has committed unforgivable crimes.
He is wanted dead and alive.
Why did the french chef committed suicide??
He lost his huile d'olive
An avocado thief was caught committing a crime...
I heard they tried to get away ,but they didn’t av a car doe...
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid
If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-
What does Venom use to commit crimes online?
How did the Nike’s employee die?
Did you hear about the Italian who committed identity theft?
Police say he was an impasta
A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
What do you call a crime committed by a cat?
I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...
I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.
Programming Introduction
When you start programming, people push you to GitHub and then you commit to GitHub.
What crime did the forest commit?
I have commited several war crimes in uzbeckistan and am giving myself in for gassing hundreids of civillian houses
Why did the train conductor commit a crazy crime?
Because he had a Loco-motive
my legs were thrown into jail today
I heard they committed a felo-knee
I'm sure you've all heard about the ship stuck in the middle of the Suez canal
If I were that captain I'd be so ashamed I'd commit Suezside
Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.
Now they can Scandinavian!
I committed Seppuku once. I don't think I have the guts to do it again.
Seppuku is the suicidal act of stabbing yourself in the stomach.
A scuba diver committed suicide today
He just couldn’t handle the pressure.
What do you call someone who commits a murder with a deck of cards that only has clubs, spades, and diamonds?
If you commit 90 sins, you will get caught about half the time.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
Did you hear that Thanos was committed to an insane asylum? It's true.
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