My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined!
π︎ 72
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..
But then I'd have to kill you.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
- Diarrhea and Alzheimer. Youβre running, but you donβt know where.
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 26 2020
What do you get when you combine a dinosaur and a pig?
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 16 2020
I keep being awakened by dreams of Indian dishes that use a complex combination of spices or herbs, usually including ground turmeric, cumin, coriander, ginger, and fresh or dried chilies...
It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 23 2020
Broadway has a new show that combines magic with the tunes of a 70βs Swedish Pop Band
Itβs called ABBA-Cadabra.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
What's the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimerβs and diarrhea. Youβre running, but canβt remember where.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
There's a new rap artist who combines a modern hip hop sound with 80s retro pop.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 15 2020
A French guy started a charitable foundation that symbolizes the coexistence between faiths; combining "Red Cross" and "Red Crescent". What did he call it?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
What's the worst combination of two diseases?
Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea .
You're running but you don't know where .
π︎ 44
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
Karen did that actually happen
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 02 2020
What do you get when you combine a joke with a rhetorical question?
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 18 2019
How about this combination?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
I finally managed to genetically combine the number 6 with the letter S.
My experiment was a complete six-s!
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
This Fibonacci joke is worse than the last two you heard combined.
π︎ 82
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
Iβd tell you a Fibonacci joke, butβs itβs probably as bad as the last two youβve heard combined
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 23 2018
What do you call a combination between a Ford Fusion and a Ford Focus?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
Marijuana and coffee are my favorite combination.
They're the reason ice mocha a lot of weed
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 06 2020
Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.
Itβll be a catastrophe.
π︎ 195
π
︎ Aug 18 2019
What would happen if you combine a bad webcomic with a bad webcomic?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 14 2020
I was told a story about combining two pieces of metal.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 16 2019
I didn't know oxygen and potassium were explosive when combined together!!!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 28 2019
Not sure if this fits here, is funny or has the sciencing right, but here goes... What do you get if you combine Uranium-235 and potatoes?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 19 2019
Every piece is as delicious as the previous two combined.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 28 2018
I'm going to start a low carb, high fat and protein combined with martial arts diet
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 02 2019
My coworker spent his life savings inventing a Tootherang, it's a boomerang combined with dentures.
I hope it doesn't come back to bite him.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 10 2019
What do you get when you combine country and rap music?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
What do you get when you combine a Desktop PC computer and a Cucumber?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 05 2019
Sand is a combination of the words sea and land, as it is where they meet. You could say it is their ship name.
Courtesy of my friend who took more than the average amount of antidepressants
π︎ 244
π
︎ May 25 2018
Told this Chemistry joke before on here...
... But I got a very bad reaction
π︎ 43
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
Used a meme format to make a pun
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Oct 05 2019
I used to own a combination lingerie store / sandwich shop.
It was called Delicate Essence.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 13 2019
I have recently combined my laxative with my alphabet soup.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Mar 08 2019
I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup.
[ Removed by reddit in response to a copyright notice. ]
π︎ 126
π
︎ Oct 29 2018
Old town road is a combination of country and rap.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 10 2019
How could you steal his van though? π
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
Why is an antacid the opposite of a time machine?
Because its a reflux incapacitator
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 04 2020
When fairy tales and groceries combine
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 30 2019
What do you get when you combine an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 14 2019
Just brew it!
Iβm building a website for a new cafe and Coworking space opening in the area. The owner loves humour and wants to reflect that in the site. Does anyone have any great puns or other humorous ideas to do with cafes or working spaces? Thanks a million!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 28 2020
Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night...shouldβve put it on aloha setting!
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jul 23 2019
I combined laxatives and alphabet soup.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Dec 04 2018
A motivational poster I made...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
let that sink in
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 23 2020
I like to combine words like hay and maze to mayze
But when I swap for aces of spades, I'm trading Spaces
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 04 2019
What are two of a teacher's favorite things combined.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
Combined my first 2 joke sets into 1. Enjoy!
I will now take suggestions on how to be more sensitive to deaf people. I'm all ears!
- As a ventroliquist, I made one of my dummies sing a song by the GoGos. I'm not going to tell you how I did it. My lips are sealed!
- Im the only council member against the construction of the beach. Im going against the grain!
- Why did God make me a conjoined twin? Im beside myself!
- I put aluminum on a villain's mind control devices. I foiled his plan!
- Even though I'm scared of heights, I still go skydiving with this girl I like. Im falling for her!
- My shoelace company collapsed. I couldn't make ends meet!
- I like using misdirection in my jokes to make people laugh. Or do I?
- I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll!
- I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a nerd. I'm honor roll!
- The answer to this question, "Who's the president of the United States?" is a no-brainer.
- I finished a race the other day. I won 'cause I killed all the Kenyans!
- I don't know how to wear a wig. At least not off the top of my head.
- I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter for a 50% off everything sale. I went in for a carrot and came out with a half, which is why I now shop at Whole Foods!
- If youre being attacked by zombies, just throw a party! Nobody wants to kill the life of the party!
- I used to date a girl, who still uses a nightlight. What a turn-off!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 10 2018
How did the scientist feel after he failed to combine Lassie and a watermelon?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 19 2019
Richard Plier
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
My food truck idea
Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.
"The Poach Coach"
Popular dishes:
- Eggs Been a Dick (2 poached eggs and 1 average but adequate size sausage)
- Omelette that one slide (you're choice of filling, but don't fucking test me)
- The Dwight Yolk Em' (served in a plastic cowboy hat to go. Must eat while walking the streets of Bakersfield)
4.The Mr. Burns Eggcellent Scramble (smithered with cheese)
- The Quiche a Grey (oralgasmic quiche with a money shot of sausage gravy)
- The John Denver Omelette (full of all kinds of shit)
- Jesus'ed egg (basically a deviled egg only more judgmental and boiled in holy water)
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
Freddy Meowcury
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
perfect-ion
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
Wow Interesting...
π︎ 98
π
︎ Nov 16 2019
Can you SEA how bad this pun is
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle
A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.
Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.
I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."
Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
When you combine english and math.
When you combine english and math.
You get many nouns and many unnouns.
*(bad spelling intentional)
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 29 2019
Yes, I stole this from facebook.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 31 2020
[Request] Chemistry Pun
I need a pun about chemistry and kindness for a project. Thanks in advance!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
Where do elves live
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
I have real life bitcoin
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
What occurs when you combine images of plants together?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 04 2019
Some people donβt like all the attention that occurs when you combine the spellings of 3 with 5 to create both a fake word/number.
But personally, I thrive on it.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 24 2018
People with birthdays falling on Christmas shouldn't mind that gifts are combined for the holiday...
π︎ 55
π
︎ Nov 10 2018
Well well well look what we have here..
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
Source: Meme Templates and Components (Facebook)
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 16 2020
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
This bread recipe said to combine all ingredients with a spoon, or if you prefer, use your hands.
I felt there was no knead
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 01 2019
You know, I've been on r/puns a lot but
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 23 2020
This pun will BEE great for people having a bad day
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
What do you get when you combine an elephant and a rhino?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
A Teacher asked his student How many runs can a ball get you in cricket...?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 23 2020
I recently opened a combination sandwich shop/mini golf course.
I thought it was a great idea but the reviews said the experience was sub-par.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 02 2018
What do you get after combining an Owl with a Bee?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 17 2019
what do you get when you combine an elephant and a rino
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 22 2019
It was so cheesy, I couldn't help it.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
My son dressed up as Satan and started combining oxygen, nitrogen, argon, carbon dioxide and methane.
He's got a real Devil-make-air attitude.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 22 2018
Up until today, I only knew two jokes about the Fibonacci sequence. Then, today, I heard a new one.
It made me laugh as hard as the other two combined.
π︎ 98
π
︎ Nov 28 2019
What do you get when you combine Hungary and Turkey
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 29 2018
spotted this boat in Bellingham
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 24 2019
Accidentally punny
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 27 2019
What do you get when you combine a joke with a rhetorical question?
π︎ 205
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard
π︎ 56
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
Diarrhea and Alzheimer. Youβre running, but you donβt know where.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 12 2019
I know a good Fibonacci joke.
Itβs as good as the last two jokes youβve heard combined.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
This is a Fibonacci joke.
Its worse than the last two jokes you heard, combined.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Dec 29 2019
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question with a joke?
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 19 2019
I combined a laxative with alphabet soup...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 11 2019
What happens when you combine a joke with a rhetorical question?
π︎ 54
π
︎ Jul 22 2018
What do you get when you combine a joke with a rhetorical question?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 19 2018
This Fibonacci dad-joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 28 2018
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