I’ve got a device consisting of a circular canopy of pink fish on a folding metal frame supported by a central rod, used as protection against rain.

Now I have salmonella.

(I’m sorry, it’s a fishy joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eriknobeats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the area of a circular piece of dough, where the slice length is "z" and the rise is "A"

Pi(z)(z)(A)

Edit: Volume not area

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hctibasiaixelsyd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I hate arguing against circular reasoning

It's pointless

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeddrex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Something must be wrong with my circular saw..

It’s only cutting straight lines!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trusteen
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Some people call circular-sliced hot dogs β€œlunch meat”...

But if you ask me, that’s just bologna.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wutisthis66204
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...

I told him I miter saw who it was...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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When my circular friends get depressed, I tell them that they may not be around in the future.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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I don't see the point in circular shapes

Nevermind, found it! Its at the tip of the sphere

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-Faces
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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Why does Tom demand his egg cooked with a perfectly circular yolk?

Because he's eggcentric

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Disrupturous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
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There’s something off about that active circular saw...

But I just can’t put my finger on it...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HydrogenGamer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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What do you call a circular muscle with the head of a man and the body of a lion?

A Sphinxter

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StructuralFailure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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What do you think about the track and field event, where the aim is to throw a circular heavy disc further than the other competitors?

..Discus

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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How can you be sure if a cake is circular?

Just make sure it's cooked at 360Β°!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ace_Ginger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2016
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What kind of music do wind turbines like? imgur.com/TJUIW3h
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KipsBay2181
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What’s an opinion without 3.14?

An onion

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blimpymcblimpface
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...

To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I camembert the thought of eating this.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deep-in-guts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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I asked what lgbtq was

They wouldn't give me a straight answer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lmaolol69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend’s dad was helping out renovating our bathroom.

While cutting out sheet rock for the tile, he hands me a circular cutout with the words β€œto it” written on it.

He began to tell me that I’ll never be able to say I’ll do something β€œwhen I get around to it”, because now I have one of my own.

After about a minute I never sighed harder in my life.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewChrist87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Classic literature/landscaping pun?

A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.

He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didn’t fare very well.

I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/occasionalist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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I really like the way earth rotates...

..it really makes my day

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ImAWizard_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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Wheels were the first revolutionary invention.
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2016
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That's an Oddly Shaped Pie

There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".

The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.

So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.

πŸ‘︎ 379
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomfc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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Why was the man scared of the ball

Because he had a sfear of circular objects

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vladturapov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Ο€r^2

But traditionally, they’re circular.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObligatoryStory
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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My father, the comedian.

Joke 1:

My sister was talking with my dad about the show β€˜I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant’ and she went onto ask β€œhow do you accidentally make a person?” And without missing a beat, my father looked her dead in the eye and replied with β€œI accidentally made three.” With the most serious face I’ve seen in my life.

Joke 2:

My sister, dad, and I were in Wal-Mart one day and in passing the toys, we found those circular beanie baby things with the big eyes. So, my ever impressive father grabs a special edition Chewbacca toy, pretend bites it as though it’s an apple, and says β€œHuh, this is a... Little Chewy!”

There’s more, considering he’s a Dad, but those two stand out the most to me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theashtonjay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad pulled this xmas tree-themed dadjoke on my mom today

Mom: "Dave, can you help me put the tree skirt on?"

Dad: "Sure, but I don't think it will fit you"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
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Lego and my wife

Our five-year-old son proudly presents us with a Lego minifig with a giant circular sawblade on its head.

ME: Hey, that guy's got a nice hat.

WIFE: Yeah, it should be called a sawmbrero.

ME: :T

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunnrhildr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Got the police this morning

So around 130 this morning I heard someone using a circular saw outside my apartment. I got out of bed pissed off and saw through my window two people were cutting apart the fence surrounding our garbage bins and stole it.

After 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep, I went out for a smoke and saw a cop car in our lot. Somebody had made a noise complaint and the police responded.

I spoke to them and after giving them a description of what I saw (they found the entire situation hilarious) I asked them "so would you consider this a fence offence?"

Groans were had by all.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maple-Whisky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Happy Pi Day, everybody! You know what I like to get in the mail on Pi Day?

Circulars.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jawn317
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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My son and I were riding through a rural farm area...

We saw one of those circular open-sided fences around some hay. My son asked what it was. "I don't know", I said, "but it certainly rings a bale."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radlee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Reasons Why I Didn't Like Dante's Inferno
  • It's too deep
  • It's the pits
  • The places made me go "What the Hell"
  • It took an eternity for anything to happen
  • I didn't get a lot of it , because the devil was in the details
  • The so-called "smart" people in Hell use too much circular reasoning
  • The main character is too down-to-earth
  • Lucifer is unlikable, even though he is a central character
  • It uses too much inflammatory language
  • A lot of the action is too sin-tilating for me

Ok, that last one was pretty bad. I should be punished. I'll go die in a fire now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowingMyselfOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
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How did the soldiers go to battle during the Revolutionary War?

In a circular motion.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellslave
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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Shapely

Sorting through junk mail full of holiday sales.

Wife: "Nothing but circulars?"

Me: "Mm, they're mostly rectangulars."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickfree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2014
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On a hot night in bed with the gf

I just switched the fan on to cool down, "You know why fans are circular?

So they can push the air round"

She thought it was as funny as I did!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pelirrojo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
🚨︎ report

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