Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?

He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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In Yosemite, I once found a chunk of metal that was more dense in the center of it.

Hard core park ore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeIsDuff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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At the pizzaria I ate way too big chunks off my capricciosa..

I almost artichoked.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notmuchofausernam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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A man was found dead, covered in toffee sauce, chocolate chunks and sugar sprinkles.

Police say he topped himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flagpole111
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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American grocery stores are going to start selling Parmesan cheese in chunks

To make America grate again!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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If I rub my son with a chunk of beef, does he become a cowboy?
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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I drank a bottle of food coloring..

I dyed a little on the inside...then I blue chunks

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Preparing dinner for my SO tonight...

While chopping a jalapeΓ±o, I cut off the top and pulled out the seeds and said, "Look, dear - a hollowpeΓ±o!" She was amused!

She was a bit less amused when I cut off a chunk and said, "It was all-apeΓ±o, now it's half-apeΓ±o."

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
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One of my friends showed his dad aptitude over lunch today.

I had to run a couple of errands between then and now, so my memory might be a bit fuzzy, but I'll do best.

Friend 1: "Sarah"

Friend 2: "Shawn"

Future dad: "Sam"

Sarah: There is no good way to eat a taco. (There is a dismembered taco sitting on her plate.)

Shawn: I know, right? It's seriously the worst-designed food, like, ever.

Sarah: Back in [hometown], there's this restaurant that sells authentic Mexican tacos. There's no grease or anything, just chunks of chicken with guacamole and salsa and a bit of cheese on top, and it's SO GOOD. I really shouldn't even talk about them, it's just making me homesick.

Sam: You mean you shouldn't taco 'bout them?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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My sister just cracked an excellent dad joke

We're watching the episode of The Walking Dead where the characters dress up in zombie guts and chunks to blend in with the zombies.

My sister goes "it must take a lot of guts to do that!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mollypaget
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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Dadjoked and in pain

Walking through the house when all of the sudden, sharp pain in my heel. It felt like I just stepped on a Lego but it turned out to be a large chunk of glass stuck in my foot.

Me: Who broke something?!

Dad: Oh thanks for picking that up.

All: groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrScootz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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Getting Tips at Work

I work at a "field house" before home football games, serving beer n' what not, and a large chunk of what I make is off of tips that come in envelopes. As I pick my envelope of tips up I hear a jingle of coins inside of the envelope. Dramatically I stop and stare at my boss,

"Everything okay?" - boss

"Yeah everything is fine, I just didn't expect this much change in my life."

The surrounding co-workers groaned at the joke, but as I am leaving a lone drunkard walks up to me, gives me a high five, and congratulates me on fatherhood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnErectSuprise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2014
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A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Grocery stores in America are going to start selling Parmesan cheese in chunks

To make America grate again

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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