Checks And Balances Puns

She shoved me pretty hard but I didn't fall down.

So I pushed her over.

So I pushed her over.

The key to making it work well is for people to not write checks that exceed their balances.

So he pushed her over..

...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.

Me: That's a Segway

I was visiting my folks, and decided to take em out to dinner when Ma got home. We go for a feed, all is well. I'm standing up at the end of the table, leaning on its edge with me phone out as Ma was organising herself. Da came back from the loo, and asked me what I was doing on me phone.

"Checking me balance." I replied, showing him my bank app. I had just been paid and was moving money around to savings and such, after paying for dinner by phone NFC.

Without warning he gives me a good hip n shoulder, not hard enough to send me flying but enough to shift me a bit.

"Ya balance looks shit, boy."

He smirks at me as Ma groans audibly. Cheeky old bugger.

This is why he's going in a crooked retirement home you always see on the News.

This granny comes to me and say: "Son, can you check my balance?"

I said: "Sure."

And pushed her over.

Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.

Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?

Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!

He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.

Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!

I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.

I work in a retail bank and a customer walked into the office and said: Teller asks customer if he'd like her to check his balance. He says yes. So she pushes him over.

ba dum chiss

Not saying the service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance and she leaned over and pushed me.

Girlfriend and I went into the bank to deposit some money

Me: because banks hold a lot of money, when you check your balance with the teller, do they become fortune tellers?

Recently hired into a job where part of my duties will involve managing finances for individuals with intellectual disabilities. Trainer started going over all the ethical hoops we have to jump to.

"Man, they've got all sorts of checks and balances."

So she pushed him.

So I pushed her.

So I pushed her over

So I pushed her over

So I pushed her over...

A customer came in and asked me to check their balance... So, I pushed them.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance... So I pushed her over.

I was in a bank and an old lady asked me to check her balance

I pushed her over

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.