Challengeable Puns

I can't think of anything clever.

“You herd me!"

New Foreskin Unlocked.

They all tell me it's naan optional.

I ran out of thyme.

It was a discount viscount recount.

"I'm playing the toe tactic"

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions

You will roux the day.

Unless you’re prepared to deal with the Reaper cushions.

stolen from r/jokes. Credit to u/shopcounterwill. I don’t know how to link or tag stuff on Reddit

Edit: apparently I do. Haha

He bought he friends 3,5,7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

Cuz they fast!

We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.

We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.

We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.

So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.

We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??

"I bet Secant!"

You could say my competition is getting slim.

Dodge ball can become dangerous, but it's fun.

What a soar loser.

I couldn't walk any more because I was defeated.

It was a Jag war.

Daredevil dared evil!

There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him on all of his records that he set.

Once Pat retired, he started keeping track of all the up and coming horses that were winning a lot. There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. Pat saw this horse and watched him race. Charlie started to break all of Pat’s records and Pat was a little upset with this.

After a while, Charlie decided to retire after an extremely successful career in racing. By chance, Charlie decided to retire at the same stable that Pat retired in. When Charlie entered the stable, everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records and wins. Pat went up to Charlie and said, “Hey Charlie congratulations on all of your wins! You broke a lot of my records and I was very impressed.” Charlie responds, “go away old man, I’m better than you ever were.” Pat was blown away by his response. He galloped away from Charlie with defeat.

After a while of thinking, Pat decides to challenge Charlie to a race. Charlie agreed to it and wanted to race right away. He said “We will race to the tree over there and turn around and come back and whoever gets there first will be the winner.” Pat was still healthy but he needed a few weeks to get his legs back into shape for the race. Charlie gives Pat 2 weeks to get ready.

After 2 weeks pass, they are ready to race. “Hey Pat, before we race I want to warn you that I win my races by passing them by the end. So don’t get all cocky and think you are going to win.” Charlie says. Pat thanks him for the warning and they start getting set to race.

The gun sounds and they are off to race. Pat starts out in front, and nears the finish. Out of know where, Charlie zooms ahead of Pat and wins the race.

Pat was very disappointed in his loss, but congratulated Charlie anyways. A dog comes up to them and says, “Wow, that was a fantastic race! Neither of you should be upset with that. You both were so great!” Charlie looks to Pat and Pat looks to Charlie. They are astonished. Charlie says, “Say that again! Say it again!” The dog says a little confused, “Well I just said that you both were so great out there.” Pat says, “Charlie! It’s a talking dog!”

It’s called the Diffi cult.

Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.

One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"

To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."

It was a Thai

So if anyone asks, tell them you're Coronavirus positive 👍

But he came unarmed :/

I realised I didn’t have the balls.

His was better and it drove me up the wall

They’re always a bit sharp.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.

Unless you are prepared to face the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

The odds were against me

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re ready to face the reaper cushions

The odds were against me.

but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.

The odds were against me.

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

The odds were against me.

Otherwise you'll face reaper cushions

Now I have to face the reaper cushions.

Unless you are prepared for the Reaper Cushions

Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.