A lie-cense.
http://i.imgur.com/3jYfmdE.jpg
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family
For Christmas my dad gave me and my siblings a stocking full of coal. Also in the stocking was stock certificates for coal companies. He wore a well deserved shit eating grin all day.
A trophy.
I'm looking for the expiration date.
dad: “we couldn’t remember the mail mans name"
Now This raises more questions.
they were confused because it belonged to "Da Yo"
As I hand it to my nan,
Nan: oh its mounted!
Grandad: I see no horse?
He goes to fill out my birth date "5th of the 4th ... 1889!"
Me: What? Wouldn't that make me ... 125?
Dad: You look really good for 125!
The vampire, being hundreds of years old, had decided to conduct an experiment to see which career path was the most rewarding. He had every degree and certification you could imagine, but he settled on a surprising choice: cleaning mirrors.
When questioned, he said, "There's something about cleaning a mirror that just speaks to me. Not only can you see your progress as you go, I just know I'm helping someone see their true selves, for better or worse. I'm as surprised as you are, it's not a job I could ever see myself doing."
You ask it for it’s BIRCH certificate.
Stopped at the grocery store last night. My teen daughter always picks out the apples (so we know we get ones she likes). When she grabbed one from the middle of the bin, a few on the top rolled to the bottom. She briefly panicked, then turned to me and says "whew! I almost caused an apple-anche!"
- What are you looking for?
- Our marriage certificate.
- Why?
- I want to check the expiry date.
It all started at birth when she was issued a Bitch Certificate.
...when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
...Living Up To 400 Years Old!
Marine 1 - How Do They Know That?
Marine 2 - They Checked His Birth Certificate.
