Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"
Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"
I'm going to start a yacht building business in my attic
Sails should go through the roof
I asked my friend to come to the gym with me. He said he was busy for the next 7 days....
Bit of a week excuse if you ask me.
What’s the difference between someone going to prison and a guy who has a mobile knife sharpening business?
One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated
I recently started a new business making Irish lawn chairs
I call it Paddy O’Furniture
William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...
Apparently, nobody was interested in buying ‘Shatner Panties’.
I have a business selling foreign ants.
If I was a smart but unscrupulous high school student, I would start a business doing other kids' homework for a nominal fee.
The name of the business?
"Nerdy deeds, done dirt cheap"
I considered giving up my honey business and joining a cult
But I'm just not a bee leaver.
Edit: Thank you for the award, friend!!!!
I invested in a business idea with some dermatologists.
I was glad they had some skin in the game.
I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn.
When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said "Don't forget to write"
I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"
Why did the spider just mind it's own business making a web?
To make sure I wasn't being bugged
Everyone loves my "moderately large business agreement" costume at this fancy dress party.
Why did the balloon factory go out of business?
My buddy Neil decided to get into a new kind of business designing keyholes for small houses
So we gave him the nickname shack keyhole Neil
What do you call the money your garbage business earns?
Entangled business deal
If a spider catches more moths than they need, can they sell them on the web?
I'm starting a ridesharing business for underserved rural communities.
I'm going to call it Goober.
I'm trying to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum.
Just need help getting it off the ground.
I've met this french business woman recently. She was so beautiful and so wealthy, I just couldn't resist her and her lovely
I’m just here mining my own business...
I started an Origami business once
Gave it up though, too much paperwork
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
Selling kitchen utensils is a wisky business
So is selling hard liquor
After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.
I started a new business farming microscopic fish
It's a small scale operation
My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
Why wasn't RBG a business executive?
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.
He replied, “I refuse to work with compost! It’s so degrading!”
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
Friend made it for business
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
I have a busy morning at work, but had to take a poop...
I ain’t got time for this shit.
Started a boat building business in my attic.
The sales are going through the roof!
I've started a boating business from my attic....
The sails are going through the roof.
I've started a boating business from my attic.
The sails are going through the roof.
I started a boating business in my attic..
Sails are through the roof.
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