UPDATE: I cannot reply to all the messages or comments but to update, I was very nervous to bring anything up because i truly didn't want him to feel like he is defective or something. He actually brought it up on his own that he's not sure what's going on with him but he doesn't feel right and he's having more issues than just this one. So after discussing it he's going to see a doctor to make sure everything is alright medically before we look into other avenues of management. Thank you all for your responses and advice.

TLDR: Husband comes too fast and I don't know how to tell him I'm completely unsatisfied.

I (33f) and my husband (33m) have been together since high school. We have a good relationship as far as being in love, getting along and enjoying each other's company. But the sex is so bad and it's just getting worse.

When we were young the sex was decent, although he would finish a bit prematurely. He always tried to make sure that there was foreplay e.t.c.

I would say that for the last 5 years or so the sex has gone so far downhill that I don't even want to do it anymore. Every single time it's no foreplay straight to the sex and he finishes in less than a minute. I'm not being dramatic or exaggerating. Last night for example I was in the mood so I initiated sex. There was about 2 minutes of kissing, he barely touched me anywhere, and then HE CAME BEFORE HE WAS EVEN ALL THE WAY IN. Less than 1 pump. And it's like this often. Afterward there was no sorry, no let's go again, nothing. He went to sleep. He expects me to give him head a few times a month but I can count on one hand the amount of times he's gone down on me. He doesn't finger me because "his arm cramps up". I feel like a burden to him when it comes to this, and I know for a fact I'll never be sexually satisfied.

I'm finding myself fantasizing about sex with random people. Like, what it would be like to be pleasured fully. I won't cheat and I won't leave. I love him very much. Something's got to give though. In the past he's been upset if I mentioned toys, I think he is embarrassed and feels threatened somehow. But I literally need to supplement with something because I cannot live this way much longer. How should I approach this?

My go-tos are Zed, Zack, and Idiot.

I (24F) am a virgin by choice and I’m currently not planning to have sex until I’m married or feel comfortable enough with a person to do so. How do I broach this topic with potential new matches?

Edit: Thanks for all the advice. Just going to put out there that I’m not doing it for religious reasons lol. So please stop suggesting Christian mingle 😂

My girlfriend's father died when she was little. My girlfriend's mother (late 50s) remarried when she was incredibly young, so her stepfather is the only dad she's known. Her stepdad has always worked, and her mother has basically been a stay at home mom.

From the time she was a teenager, she was expected to contribute to the household expenses - and does to this day. Right now she pays half the bills for her household, including housing and all utilities, which I think is a bit unfair given that there are three adults living there, but her mom doesn't work and doesn't want to.

Her stepfather makes about 70k plus benefits in a low cost of living area - so it's enough to live on, but him and her mother are spendy and she's definitely been subsidizing them both. They do not have any idea how much I make (I own nothing flashy) and I've asked her to keep it that way.

When we move in together (in a few months), I want to offer to cover more of our bills so she can begin to save for the house she wants so much. I make several times what she does, so that's fair to me. She can't currently afford to do this while paying half of the bills at home.

However, I don't want to do that if she's just going to take that money and give it back to her parents, essentially me subsidizing them. I want this to be for her and her house. I've tried testing the waters by asking what she'd do if she had some extra money every month and her first comment was that she would help her parents, they will need it when she's no longer contributing to the family bills. Sigh.

My partner and I are both from the same background, so this isn't any kind of cultural thing. Her mom, in my opinion, is just entitled, and expects to have things paid for for her, and feels very entitled to her daughter's money and I'm certain will continue to once she's left the home. Her mom won't even consider working, believe me, I've asked my girlfriend about it and she gets very defensive.

So my question is, how do I make this offer to my partner to pay more while being clear that it's for her advantage, and not her parents? Is this possible to do? Is this a minefield to avoid? And if anyone has any idea, how can I get her to feel like she's not obligated to support able bodied adults?

TL;DR: Girlfriend currently pays for a lot of her parents lifestyle, concerned about it continuing when we move in together. Want to offer to pay more of the bills, but not if it's going to them. How do I do this?

I have been meeting another MF during a hobby class, and connected on Instagram and chatting on off. I know she turned up for an event looking to meet nice guys, and she liked me. She had cooled off a bit when she found out I was married (tho she is too) but seems warm and chatty now.

How do I check if she wants more ... am I reading too much from our talks. We do hit it off talking but she is a bit out of me league

Both in our late 30s

Hi all. My boyfriend (26m) and I (25f) have been together for nearly a year. We’ve had our ups and downs and I have caught him doing some unsavory things (such as flirting with other women and not having appropriate conversations, meeting up with his ex and lying, etc) but I agreed to stay with him and work on trusting him and want to make things work.

My boyfriend left for a trip on 1/19 that has been planned since before we got together. The trip consisted of 3 guys (including him) and 8 women. I wasn’t exactly comfortable with this whole trip because his previous FWB (30sf they were still talking and hooking up up until a month before we got together) and a girl (25f) that his friends were actively trying to hook him up with (even early into when we first were dating) were both going to be there. I didn’t find out about they were supposed to be coming until last month but to be fair we didn’t really talk much about his trip. I was okay with the trip at first until I learned they would be there but I felt like I couldn’t ask him to NOT go. For one, it was arranged before we got together and two, despite his history, I’ve been trying to work on trusting him.

From what I was aware, he was due to fly back in the early morning hours of 1/25 and then take a trainfrom the airport to a town closer to us. From there I was supposed to either meet him at the train station and ride with him in a Lyft to his house (I don’t drive) or just send a Lyft to the train station for him (for whatever reason Lyft and Uber haven’t worked for him and we tried getting this fixed before he left but have been unsuccessful). He sent me a text saying they weren’t going to get back until the afternoon on 1/25 at 1:30 am today (1/24). I immediately texted back asking if they switched flights or if it got delayed/canceled and if I could have the estimated arrival time so I could plan the whole Lyft situation. I received no response despite the fact that he was active on social media. I then remembered he had given me his confirmation number (don’t remember the reason at this point) so I put that, along with his last name, into the airline’s website. It turns out he’s had the same ticket since booking and has been on the same flight since booking. And it turns out that that flight is due to leave at 3pm today (1/24) and land around 6:30pm. I’m mad that I’ve been lied to this whole time and I’m not sure why he lied.

Im also frustrated because he barely spoke to me at all this whole

I'm fairly new as a tech-lead and having the ability to look over the resumes and conduct the interviews and the like. As things currently stand, I'm understaffed and am under running. I could hire 1-2 FTEs and be perfectly fine budget wise and if the perfect candidate came through argue for a 3rd.

As everyone's aware with the "great resignation" and the like, the market is a bit rough. I've had a resume come across my desk this week for a candidate that at least warrants a video-chat. They check the boxes for the skills my team needs, but there are a few things that concern me.

The candidate has jumped ship every 18 months over the last decade and the only reason the number isn't lower is they've been at their last gig for 3.5 years. Now some people leave because it's not a good fit. Sometimes it's chasing the money. Sometimes it's something else. Nevertheless, that many hops in that period of time gives me pause.

Given I'm under running and am in dire need of a few bodies, how would you suggest I go about asking the candidate about their history? Do I even bring it up? If they were to stay with me for 12-18 months and leave, that would solve the problem for 12-18 months and maybe that's good enough? But if I bring someone on, I'd really not want to constantly worry if they're looking for a new gig and thinking about jumping

Is it even possible? I work with my dog through training and all training is about his consent. I try to make every situation about his decision to be acted upon or not...even getting his nails trimmed took months of work because he didn't want it, but the groomer was very careful to work at it in increments.

That's a key piece of info because at the vet, they forced him down to trim his nails early in covid and after that I had to carry him from the car each time we needed any kind of vet visit. I eventually changed vets.

Yesterday we had a visit where a vet at the new place decided his anal glands needed to be expressed. They took him away, muzzled him, and I could hear him screaming while the work was done. He's been struggling and I think it needed to be done...but...

How could I approach the vet about my philosophy of consent for my dog?? As in my initial question, is it even possible? My dog's mood and behavior tank after things like this and it takes a lot of work to regain trust.

Any thoughts would be appreciated

I thought this would be an interesting topic not only for those of us in the mix but for those considering it or wanting to but don't how to bring it up with their partner.

Her and I are both divorcees and on a dating app. We've been together about three years and in the lifestyle for about a year. We were talking about fantasies and of course I told her a FFM is (was) my biggest unfulfilled one. She said "I have a friend that I'm sure will." They'd never played together and my gal is bi but they've been friends for a long time. She knew her friend was bi and very open minded. She asked her and she was fully on board. From there, I "returned the "favor" as she'd never been with two guys. Then we went to a few events and got on SLS. It's been wonderful for us.

I have been with my husband for almost 30 years, and I think I finally figured out that he has SPD. I'm not certain, but he fits ALL the criteria, not just the four or five out of seven, but all seven.

What I don't see listed anywhere are other specifics about him that make him hard to live with at times. For example, he is hypercritical of me, and I cannot get him to see this. Today I started a load of laundry, and he got mad at me because he had already washed some of the towels that I'd thrown in my load. He was insulted, because what it meant to him was that I didn't notice that he had already washed the towels. What that said to him was that I don't give a crap about the things he does around the house; that I don't care enough to pay attention when there is a clean towel hanging in the bathroom. Nothing could be further from the truth--I always tell him thank you, and that I appreciate what he does, and he knows I see him cleaning, etc. This kind of argument has happened more than once, though, and it's always, "You washing those towels is an overt and purposeful insult to me."

I am also insulting him/dismissing him when I forget to do something that he has asked me to do. It's usually something like closing a door a certain way, or hitting a light switch a certain way. Things you do automatically and habitually that he is trying to get me to change, and it takes time to change those. I've been closing doors the way I close them for over 50 years, and now he wants me to become conscious of an act that I have always conducted subconsciously, and change it. I try, but I forget sometimes. And when I forget, he takes that as an insult. He raises his voice, and tells me I don't give a crap about him, and then he shuts down and won't talk to me at all for however long he feels like not interacting with me.

Does anyone else know if this is part of SPD, and what it's related to? I keep trying to do things the way he wants them done because I know it's important to him, but I'm just not perfect. I do forget. Sometimes, I jump in the shower after I've taken an Ambien, and there's no way in hell I'm going to remember the damned towel was clean already when I used it.

I think I need to talk to him about the signs of SPD, but I am so afraid that's going to start an argument. I have no idea how to approach him with the topic.

She's in her late 50s,rides a bicycle, doesn't have a bank account, just got a cell phone recently. I figure maybe this is just one of those things, like, don't rock the boat.

They restocked Fiends of Nightmaria and Upon a Dark of Evil Overlords for those interested.

https://subterraneanpress.com/fiends-of-nightmaria

https://subterraneanpress.com/upon-a-dark-of-evil-overlords

Background: I've been dating a woman, we'll call her J, seriously for 2 years now. We had been friends for at least 4 years prior to dating, and she was married back then. She's amazing and I legitimately want to marry her and start a family with her. She wants that too, and hasn't been shy about it. She's bi, and she started dating me pretty much right after a 10-year marriage, so I told her she has my blessing to explore her bi side as much as she wants, and, fuck it, she can have men too if she wants. I've always been open to that in previous relationships but none of my partners have ever taken the offer. She said she'd seriously consider it. At one point she made a Tinder but gave up on it after she didn't get any bites after a week.

What kind of nonmonogamy I want: My SO as my one serious relationship, with the freedom to have occasional, ephemeral partners.

Why I want nonmonogamy:

• For her:
  • She's been in nothing but long term monogamous relationships for 12+ years, including all of her 20's
  • She's bisexual and never really got to live it (and she does lament this occasionally, it's not just me saying "bi = mandatory same-sex sex")
  • She's expressed that she wishes she got more of a gap between partners so she could have a "slut phase", in her words
  • I get uncomfortable if someone is *too* attached to me. Like when a woman says she can't see herself being with anyone but me ever, I don't like that. Yes, even coming from my SO.
  • It turns me on to think of her with others
• For me:
  • It's a huge confidence boost for me to meet women who are physically attracted to me. I had major self image problems from puberty through most of my 20's where I thought I was too ugly and awkward to be good enough for anyone. Then I went on Tinder after my divorce was having way more success than I expected, and it felt incredible. It's not the same feeling as being desirable to one person for years and years. I want to believe I don't have to give that up when I enter a serious relationship.
  • J is often sexually unavailable and I think that's going to be the case for a few more years. J is working and going to school, and she has 3 years of school left. I'm working, cooking, and cleaning. We both have our plates equally full most days, but J gets exhausted way sooner. When I've worked 12 hours, cooked dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and done the laundry, I'm still wide awake but mostly resenting how little free time I have by the end

I was writing a thank you card for someone who gifted me a decorative pin badge for Christmas. I spelled it ‘brooch’ in the card, but my mum was arguing that it is more traditional to spell it ‘broach’. She said that in the 20th century ‘broach’ was used more widely to mean both a pin badge and to enter into a subject. She argued that ‘brooch’ must be a modernised spelling. I still think she is wrong but I would love a second opinion here please.

I just had a possible relationship blow up in my face today. Neither of us was in the wrong and I don't blame her at all, but she wasn't exclusive and I wanted us to be.

Sucked waking up to that conversation.

But the question remains. I'm the kind of person where I'd really like dating to also mean exclusivity very, very quickly. Like, maybe a date or 2 and then exclusive. Is that wrong to want/need? Obviously not everyone is the same, but how do you even go about broaching that topic?

I want to buy a Hobbit Broach (you know, that one they wore on their cloaks) but have a hard time choosing one on Amazon or other marketplaces. Would someone recommend a place to buy it? Thank you!

So I don't know how to bring the subject of possibly swinging with the wife. For starters I want to swing with the wife not because I want to have sex with someone else I want to swing with the wife to have sex with someone else and Her(my wife).

Now comes the part if me learning what the swinging culture is like and I have been able to look things up and ext but I don't know where to start this adventure any help would be great!

I (25 she/they) and my cis GF (23) have been dating for nearly two years. We met before I started transitioning, and she's always been super supportive. She's the first person I truly came out to, and she helped me immensely in building up the courage to come out to my immediate family. I love her very much. But shortly after starting E roughly 6 months ago I've started to feel a little differently about my sexuality. I never was particularly attracted to men physically, in college I had one or two small crushes on men I eventually became close friends with, but other than that I had only ever been consciously attracted to women before starting HRT. Now, I feel like I fantasize about being with a man fairly frequently. It’s not that I’m no longer attracted to my GF, but sometimes the curiosity of what it would be like to be with a masculine person is overwhelming, and the fact that we’re long distance now doesn’t help.

The problem I’m having is that I don’t know how to bring this up to her. My GF has a fairly anxious attachment style, and based on things she’s said to me previously, I know if I was candid with my feelings she’d get really insecure and worried about me leaving/cheating (I certainly would never do the latter, and would prefer to not do the former). Part of me just wants to call it quits on the relationship because I don’t know how to handle talking to her about it, and I know keeping it to myself isn’t sustainable in the long term. But I do love and care about her so much, I would hate to not have her in my life anymore.

I’m trying my best to keep things stripped down to the important details and not infodump every facet of my life like I’m sitting down with a new therapist, but I feel really stuck and don’t know what to do. These past six months have been so great for me, I really love seeing myself finally become the woman I always was inside, but this silent rift in my relationship is tearing me apart. Does anyone have any advice?

TLDR: my sexuality has changed since starting HRT and I don't know how to handle the monogamous relationship I've been in since before transitioning.

I'm looking to make several hundred small-ish (~1") star shaped holes in 3/4 hardwood. My theoretical plan is to drill out the centers then use some form of punch or broach to punch down the corners of the stars, but as far as I can tell no such tool exists. Has anybody seen anything of the sort or have any better ideas on making many star shaped holes without cutting each corner by hand?

I've got these locks that are the kind that would keep a desk drawer locked. They look like a 19mm threaded rod but have 2 opposing sides milled off so it's only 16mm thick across the length of the flats. I see on diagrams this is called a "double d" hole. Can't find a broach. Does anyone have a hookup for one or know how else to make a hole for this that keeps the lock from rotating? Thanks.

Oh wait I dont have a gf lol

I feel like I might’ve missed something. Is it that he believes they were responsible for the fire that killed his family? Sorry, I feel dumb missing something like this.