A list of puns related to "Breathly"
What you may not know is that TUBA is also an acronym for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
This made him, what?
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Men toes.
Me, exhaling loudly, βItβs a sigh defect.β
Bad-mint-on
Experimints.
Now I speak with a word Axe scent.
I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs βWHATβS GOINβ ON?β
Edit: so happy that one of my home-made dad-jokes is so well-received :) thanks, everyone!
They Gomena-sigh
This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back
EDIT: Thanks for all the karma; I really donβt deserve it.
C3PR
Care of my 10yo daughter. She laughed so hard at her own joke. It was cute.
She still isnβt talking to me.
Puddle-of-water Clear
(Courtesy of my 9yo daughter!)
Shocked.
Because she had SupercalifragilisticChronicHalitosis
Some of these are border-line uncle jokes. I'm also an uncle. I keep all these jokes in my dadabase. Aka Google notes.
Some of these I got off of podcasts, the dad joke API, some from movies, but most are from this sub. Let me know if you want a source for a joke or if one of them was yours I'll give credit.
It's ok to be Frank with people. Or josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.
What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck
If the USA is so great then why did they make USB?
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa. Which is strange.
You think he'd be from mad-at-gas-car
How did Jesus keep his abs? Crossfit
What does a Jewish cowboy celebrate Yee-Hanukka
What did the stamp say to the letter Stick with me and you'll go places
I gave my wife a glue stick instead of lipstick She's still not talking to me
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
What word starts with E and ends with E, but only has one letter in it. Envelope β
Why do people on Athens hate getting up early Because dawn is tough on Grease
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain A purramid
Why do fish like salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze
If april showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring? PILGRIMS
Why do cemeteries have fences Because people are dying to get in
Did you know Bruce Lee had a Faster older brother? Sudden lee
Did you know he also had a Vegan brother? Broco lee
Pig black belt in karate Pork chop
How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in 3 cups of coffee If you have 20 sugar cubes? You have to use all the cubes.
You put 1 in the first cup, one in the second cup, and 18 in the last cup. Because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put on a cup of coffee.
I was going to tell your a joke about Yoga But it's Not working out
What do you do if your wife starts smoking Use some lubricant
did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds weird, dozen tit?
What did baby corn say to momma corn ( I got a boy scout selling popcorn to eyeroll me on this one) Where's popcorn
What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house? Fettuccine Afradio
What do you call a werewolf streamer? Liken subscribe
Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright? You can tell everybody this is your song.
My mom swears up and down cows arent real I was in udder disbelief
Skeleton goes into a bar, he orders a beer and a mop
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet Because th
... keep reading on reddit β‘β¦it wasnβt mint to be.
but I don't wanna spread it around.
He didnβt have any Pig-mints.
What do you call a gem thats hard of breathing? An Asthmathyst!
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit β‘With experi-mints.
miasma! my asthma!
He put a glass of water on his head!
It's the first time I have been able to see and hug her in over a year, and she made me so proud!
*Edit: So many typos in my title.
Right so there's this farmer yeah and he's obsessed with tractors. His whole live revolves around them. He eats, sleeps and dreams tractors, but one day his wife is killed in a tragic tractor accident. The farmer decides he's had enough and completely strips tractors from his life, moves off the farm and tries to move on without his wife and love of tractors
Years later he's going on a blind date with a woman he met online. The dates going well when all of a sudden the restaurant bursts into flames! Everyone's panicking trying to put the fire out when the farmer stands up and takes a huge breath in, sucking in all the fire and smoke. He runs outside and releases all of the smoke into the air and saves the restaurant. Everyone's amazed at what the farmer has just done as they thank him and go back to their meals. His date sits back down on complete shock and says 'that was amazing how did you do that?!'
The farmer looks her in the eyes tearing up and says 'I'm an ex tractor fan'.
Edit: Title spelling
In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.
No, Iβve been eating frog legs. What you smell is the hops!
Haha, I made you smile.
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Edit: good lord, I didnβt know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.
Measure mint.
Itβs like a Sting operation.
It's a teste mint to his determination.
Imagine whispering "god i'm hungry" under your breath, and a great big booming voice would answer "HI HUNGRY, I'M GOD"
SUFFOCATION.
NO BREATHING.
"Iβve got you a job," says his agent. "Thatβs great," says the actor, what is it?" "Well," says his agent, "itβs a one-liner" "Thatβs okay," replies the actor, "Iβve been out of work for so long Iβll take anything. Whatβs the line?" "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" says the agent. "I love it" says the actor "Whenβs the audition?" "Wednesday" says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
"Brilliant," says the director, "youβve got the job. Be here 9 oβclock Saturday evening."
The actor is so happy he got the job that he goes on a major drinking session. He wakes up at 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; "Hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar."
He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the guard. "Who the hell are you?" asks the guard. "Iβm "Hark, I hear the cannons roar." "If youβre "hark I hear the cannons roar.", youβre late. Get up to makeup right now!"
So he runs up to makeup. "Who are you?" asks the makeup girl. "Iβm "hark I hear the cannons roar."" "If youβre hark I hear the cannons roar", youβre late. Sit down here." And she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, youβre about to go on."
He dashes down to the stage. "Who are you?" asks the stage manager. "Iβm "hark, I hear the cannons roar."" "Youβre "hark, I hear the cannons roar?" Get out there, the curtainβs about to go up."
He tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full. Suddenly there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?"
So this past Thursday, my wife and I had tickets to see the new Batman film. We managed to get a babysitter organised and everything.
We're sat in the cinema for the obligatory 30 minutes' worth of adverts/trailers. Getting pretty pumped to see The Batman at this point.
Around about 20 minutes into the film (absolutely glued to the screen), I notice that I'm starting to feel really itchy and my lips started to swell up and go numb (this has only happened once before and I've been to the GP to have tests done. All negative so far).
Another 5 minutes go by and I'm starting to struggle to breathe but fuck, it's Batman, I can push through this, right?.. Wrong!
5 minutes after that, I'm sat in the ambulance that my wife had called for me, on my way to A&E. After half the night in A&E, alone, they discharge me.
My wife picks me up. As I get home, her friend (who babysat for us) was still at our house comforting my wife. After the questions of concern and comments of relief, she asked how the first 30 minutes of The Batman was.... my answer?...
"It was so good, it took my breath away".
TL;DR. 30 minutes into The Batman I went into anaphylactic shock and found it extremely difficult to breathe. Once being discharged from the hospital I was asked how the for 30 minutes of The Batman was. I responded with "it was so good, it took my breath away".
It stands for
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Experimints.
He was a... super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
With experi-mints!
ASMR?
No, bronchitis.
miasma! my asthma!
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
They've got no taste
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