[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Why did the fish break up with his shrimp gf?
He just thought she was a little shellfish.
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me 5 years ago, and today I asked to break up...
When she left, she gave back the $100 exactly. I lost interest in that relationship.
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?
He brought tension to the relationship
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: “Ugh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”
“That was pepper spray.”
Got me!
How does mario break up with peach
It’s not you, it’s a me mario
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?
Because she took him for granite.
Why did she break up with the staunch republican?
Because he had to be always right.
I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend
Love meant nothing to her.
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?
Because he didn’t collar.
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
I was racking up to play pool with my son, and he said, “Do you wanna break?”
I said, “We haven’t even started. How lazy are you?”
Her: I think we need to break up. I’m sick of your addiction to Burger King.
Me: Fine. Have it your way.
I hope she doesnt break up w me
How do you break up a fight between two blind men?
Yell “My money’s on the one with the knife!”
There is a punk-metal band called Pangea what is it called when the band breaks up?
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He just needed some space.
why did princess jasmine break up with aladdin?
Because the things he said weren’t aladdin up
Why did the stars who had been together forever finally decide to break up?
Q: Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
Why did the dust pan break up with the broom?
Because it was sweeping around
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
A proton and neutron break up...
An electron walks up to the proton and says, “Hey! Stay positive!”
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
Why did the boy telephone and the girl telephone break up?
There was just no connection...
Why did the garden tools break up?
Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.
"How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process"
Step 1: take off your glasses
Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'
I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident...
Because I'm lack-toes intolerant.
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because of my obsession over the Monkees. I thought she was kidding...
I was just racking up my first game of pool when the opponent said, "Do you wanna break?"
I said, "Not yet, we've only just started"
Why did the male giraffe break up with his girlfriend?
Because she was a cheetah.
What did the banker break up with his girlfriend after she demanded that he forgive her loan?...
He lost interest
Edit: *Why
What happened when Lithium tried to break up a fight between Sodium and Chloride?
They were charged with Assault and Battery.
If you break up with your girlfriend over her dental work, dies it mean you are bracist?
Posted this poorly this morning. It may be trash, but I think it is original.
I think my girlfriend might break up with me.
Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.
What happens when a group of musicians break up?
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
[At the restaurant] Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
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