Bos Grunniens Puns

Happy Thursday, all. Str8aura here.

Do you like authors showing their work? Do you enjoy jokes or details that require a minimum of two google searches to understand? Do you want to be just like those authors, but don't feel like doing any actual research into the subject you're writing about? Well, have I got the product for you, so don't adjust your sets; or, for the youngins out there, don't adjust the video quality.

Compiled is a list of facts, details, and snapple lids for several creatures you may wish to portray in the average MLP fanfiction. Do you want to utilize Furry Reminders for comedy, medical accuracy, or cuteness, but don't actually know anything about the species? Is there a mythical monster you want to understand a little better? Are you actually just trying to find out more about an animal species or legend? I'm contractually barred from making fun of you, so instead enjoy fishing out the finest of useless facts from our complimentary buffet table of wikipedia trivia pages.

#Ponies

The pony. Equus Ferus Caballus. Near identical to horses, but stay small their entire lives and mature much faster. Generally smarter and less docile than horses, but saying that in Equestria is likely to result in the locals pinning you as a Social Darwinist. Most of these facts can be applied to both ponies and horses, although I mainly refer to horses. Use this list if you want to be accurate with terms or facts, or just want 2012 Faust to smile on you.

• Pony sizes are measured in hands. Each hand is 4 inches. In Secret of my Excess, Rarity is presented with a 20 karat ruby, which is about a fifth of her height, implying ponies are around 80 millimetres tall (Source: gemsize.org). Please do not actually use this height. Mods say I'm not allowed to tell you why, but please don't.
• Male adults are a stallion, female adults are a mare, female kids are a filly, male kids are a colt, babies are foals. You probably already know this, but a refresher can be good.
• Horse lungs bleed if they consistently run really fast. This is called exercise-induced pulmonary hemorrhage, or (EIPH). Google won't tell me if this applies to flying horses.
• IV is most commonly given to a horse by shaving a spot on their necks and injecting the catheter into the jugular.
• In armour, the helmet is called a Crinet, the muzzle plate is called a Shaffron, the chestplate is called a Peytral, the tail guard is called a... Tailguard, and the shell over the butt is called a Crupp

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Ministry of Natural Resources and the Environment of the Russian Federation

Министерство природных ресурсов и экологии Российской Федерации

4/6 Bolshaya Gruzinskaya Ulitsa, Moscow, Russian Federation

The Russian Green Machine

The siberian region is an environmental marvel for many reasons. It is one of the worlds largest, untouched areas of biodiversity home to thousands of unique species in an place unlike any other on earth. It contains raw resources in vast vast quantities. It also contains the permafrost, sealing away an unfathomable quantity of methane and co2 for millions of years and herein lies the problem, the earth is getting warmer. Of all the major disasters that could befall the earth as a result of global warming, the melting of the permafrost is potentially up there as one of the worst. Where this to happen it would lead to a catclysmic rise in global temperatures, causing ice caps to melt and sea levels to rise, destroying land across the world.

Russia for its part has worked tirelessly to improve carbon capture in the region and monitor the permafrost so that it might be prevented from degrading to the point in which we have to confront this nightmare scenario. Amongst the many projects Russia is working on, none has garnered more international public interest than Pleistocene Park.

Pleistocene Park began as a project to convert an area of 20km^2 near the Kolyma River south of Chersky in the Sakha Republic back to the northern subarctic steppe grassland ecosystem that flourished in the area during the last glacial period. The thinking behind this is that the change from tundra to grassland will result in a raised ratio of energy emission to energy absorption of the area, leading to less thawing of permafrost and thereby less emission of greenhouse gases. Initial research results came back in favour of this being the cast and in 2022 with Chinese investment the Pleistocene Park project increased its size to 80km^2 and began introducing larger amounts of big herbivores to the area to continue monitoring the development and see if this increased energy emission remained the same. Further peer-reviewed study has found that this has indeed been the case and that the conversion of the region to the pre-glacial steppe ecosystem has been a big success and that the ecologically low-grade tundra biome of the area has benefitted in a huge way from its conversion to steppe.

**The Subarctic Steppe Conservation Zo

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Modern Rock is detached from mainstream Pop music.

This has not always been the case. In the 50’s, Rock n’ Roll music WAS “Pop music”. Acts like Elvis or Chuck Berry were out there movin’ and groovin’ and takin’ the world by storm. This kind of trend continued on through the 60’s - think of The Beatles or The Rolling Stones or The Beach Boys. That decade’s radio waves was also dominated by strummin’ guitars and up-tempo melodies. In the 70’s, things got weird - any decade with Pink Floyd AND King Crimson AND Rush in it is bound to be odd (in the best kind of way). Rock started losing steam, and somehow Disco stole the spotlight.

In the 80’s we got glam and hair metal and all kinds of ludicrous excess. But it wasn’t quite the total mainstream vibe. Pop music was just a massive mess of synthesizers and hair spray. When the 90’s rolled around, Rock came roaring back - Grunge was fucking EVERYWHERE. Yet this did not last. With the rise of Rap and Hip Hop and highly manicured Radio Pop, Rock was forced to adapt or go underground. The 2000’s saw great Rock rise, but in niche ways away from the top 50 stations. The 2010’s seemed to be mostly the same, save for a few notable exceptions.

Exceptions like Kevin Parker.

Tell me, how did some bloke from Australia manage to make a Psych-Rock band popular in the mainstream?

Well I could just give you a short answer, or I could write a 10 page essay about a cool band. I know what I’m going with, so let’s get down to it. Today’s band of the week is TAME IMPALA.

About them

It is time to look at yet another quintessential member of the “animal themed modern rock band club”. You know, like Cage the Lizard. Or [King Gorrillaz and the Monkey Wizard.](https://i.imgur.com/99yHlJS.pn

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Calcium, nickel, neon

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.