My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night
I'm going to make a blanket statement
All comforters are comfortable
I was in court accused of stealing blankets.
I loved my job at the blanket company
This happened yesterday. My wife told me our 6 month old kitten was humping our shamrock blanket.
I told her he was just trying to get lucky.
What did the blanket said when it fell from the bed?
It was a white Christmas kind of day and our fenced backyard was blanketed with crystalline beauty. We let our two little puppies out the back door. Amazingly, in a short period of time the yard was peppered with small holes over the entire surface. The cause of this was…..
I love my electric blanket....
I'm never going back to my acoustic one.
Did you hear about the blanket company for dwarves?
Why did the police officer need a blanket?
When I tried to give my 3 yo a kiss at bedtime he hid under the blanket. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m playing hide-‘n-cheek”
(From my 6 year old daughter) what did the blanket say to the bed?
I think we all know why Steve Austin needs so many blankets.
From my guy: What do you call a reassuring blanket statement?
What do you call a cop in bed? (Lord help me)
You wouldn’t expect a country with a name like Russia to invade so slowly. It’s like they’re Stalin.
My jokes are always bad, I’m always Putin my foot in my mouth.
Somebody burgled my house and stole sheets and blankets from my bed.
I rang my insurance company and they said Sorry,your not covered.
So when I get married and my wife is in the hospital and gets the baby handed to her with a blanket
I’m going to ask the nurse if that blanket is womb temperature
My daughter is away at college and she has to chose a degree soon
Honestly her mom and I always did 75 at night but this is her own life and her own thermostat so I am proud of her no matter how she chooses to set it!
Edit: I used to think this world / community is very polarized. Now I realize they are not - they are really sort of gradually distributed between uncomfortably cold and uncomfortably hot....
My blanket just helped me blend into the desert
Did you know sleeping with blankets is 2x as likely to conduce to better sleep?
It’s just a blanket statement.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
What do you call a cop while he’s in bed?
An undercover cop
(As told to me by one of my 7th graders)
How warm are the blankets in the neonatal unit?
Wife was about to give birth and asked for a blanket
The nurse asked if she wanted a warm or a cold one. I replied, can you get one that's womb temperature?
My daughter just became a dad.
We had a chilly night recently, putting her to bed I asked "do you want covered with your bigger blanket?" She replied "no thanks, I don't need covered, I have insurance"
What should you eat after you run out of Pilau rice?
Saying a quilt and a comforter are the same thing...
..is just a blanket statement.
What does a blanket detective do?
How do you develop more patience in the bedroom?
>!Get a waited blanket.!<
Why do weighted blankets calm you down?
Because compression is the opposite of tension!
I saw an Elsa blanket
I didn’t get it though, the cold never really bothered me anyways.
What did the teeny tiny blanket have over the large quilt?
What do astronauts use to keep warm?
Small Pepper needs a blanket
Dad: Can you please put a little blanket or a tiny sweater on him?
He's a little chilli!
Where should you always keep your home defense pistol?
Under your security blanket
I don't like the word "cover"
I would say that all quilts are uncomfortable.
But I try to avoid making blanket statements.
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
What do you call a cop in a bed? (Lord help me)
My blanket just helped me blend into the desert
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night
I started a band called "Blanket"
What did the blanket say as it was falling of the bed?
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
I'm starting a band called Blanket.
What do you call a Police offer in bed?
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