I've started a new band called "Blanket'
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
I did because I put it on sleep mode.
Why did the kid wrap all his books in a blanket?
So that he could cover the entire syllabus.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Son: Dad, do you have another blanket by you? I’m cold
Dad: Go stand in the corner son, it’s 90° over there
I get a little shady when I'm in blankets.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets off Amazon but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I used to hate the electric blanket
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A man started wearing a blanket to the office
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
My wife showed me two quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
It was fun being a spy til they put me in a windy city with only a blanket for camouflage
My cover was blown constantly
last night, my wife dramatically ripped the blankets off me
I just saw a homeless man get arrested for cloaking himself in a blanket the cops falsely accused him of stealing...
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Prosecutor: "In the case of who illegally made a blanket out of patches,
we call the defendant quilty"
Dad joked by an 81-year-old woman
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said “I think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, “but it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered all my blankets were missing.
My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..
I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.
"I'm going undercover" is such a blanket statement.
Besides, you should be keeping that under wraps...
My dad just handed me a pig in a blanket Dad: Would you care for one of these
Me: Only if it needed me..
What do you call things that are said under the covers?
If you say something in bed, is it a blanket statement
How do you train your kids to stop wetting the bed ?
Make them use an electric blanket.
TIL Pigs in a blanket was invented in Alabama.
We know this because they are in bread.
Hopefully you all like this better than when I shared on r/jokes.
I only have a few hours to finish weaving this blanket.
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
Last night my bf asked me to hand him the blankets...
As I pulled the comforter over him I said, "I got you covered."
I proceeded to laugh for 1 solid minute, he did NOT think it was funny.
What did the blanket said when it fell of the bed?
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Last night, my girlfriend dramatically ripped the blankets off me...
Don’t worry I’ll recover.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
I woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out when I noticed all the blankets on my bed were missing.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed ?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
My wife showed me two quilts, and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
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