Could that area be called AC/DC?
SX.
Just east of London.
We're in Ireland, and on our way to Dublin (capital city) for a weekend away. On the way there, we pass Birr Castle.
Me: "We're coming up to an Offaly cold castle up ahead." Her: "Thats a bad joke. But how is it a cold castle?" Me: "Because it's the Birr Castle!"
This was followed by a small groan and much eye rolling.
Iβll get my coat
It was in tenths.
What do you call an ant which came to you from another county? Important
But Iβm just not ready to cross those bridges.
Discounty.
He left his chart in San Francisco.
He often makes rash decisions.
Me: Oh, look! A flock of cows.
Daughter: HERD of cows!
Me: Of course I've heard of them, there's a flock right there!
It takes a child to raze a village.
In a small county in Southeast Asia there is a small child.
The child loves to eat his delicious baby food and does so constantly.
In what country does the child live?
Viet-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM
I said, "Well that's a little con-descending."
They needed more proper tea.
When anyone mentions anything about the county of Surrey I always say 'Well there is no need to apologize'.
Good one for the dad joke bank (UKDJB)
...had considerable impact on the prosecutor's hearing.
Random Person: I think I've seen you somewhere before..
Dad: Probably. They have my picture hanging up in the post office.
When she got home, she told me about how excited she was to see all the animalsβexcept the geese and the chickens. I asked her why not those two, and she said, "Because they're aggressive fowl."
I responded, "I guess they were in a really fowl mood, then, huh?" She wasn't amused.
My family and I walked into the sheep barn at the county fair. My son proclaims loudly. " dad, it stinks in here" to which I reply. " ya ,it smells like ewe". While looking him dead in the eye. It took all involved about 15 seconds before eyes were rolled and the usual ohh daaaad commenced.
Just happened on my walk break.
I was taking a stroll downtown and walked by the county courthouse building. I noticed there was an employee (had a county badge) standing outside on the sidewalk and holding a wall clock. I knew what I had to do. I walked up and asked, "Do you happen to have the time?"
One of my proudest moments, although I'm a faux-pa myself. He enjoyed it too.
β¦ Between County and Country.
He wanted some Clare water!
Years ago, my Aunt Ann ate a couple of hot dogs at the county fair, and afterward experienced some... digestive difficulties. I declared it The Diarrhea of Ann's Franks.
It was a rye-fle.
My gun won first place in the county fair for being so attractive! It was an eyeful of a rye-fle!
My wife and I were sitting outside last night and it's been really cold here for the month of May. We live in Floyd County, Indiana.
Wife: "It sure is cold for the month of May."
Me:" Must be this weather in Floyd County during the month of May. I guess you could call it "Floyd Mayweather".....
She is a regular attendee of the Renaissance Fair, but I have never gone. I really want to go, so she said she will take me this year. When I brought up the county fair at the end of the summer, I found out that she had never been to it. I offered to take her to that. She was all in board with that idea.
"Good," I said. "That sounds like a Fair trade to me!"
John Deavensmit was not having a good time. After an incident involving a coffee spill, he'd been sued for $50 million, and somehow the jury had ruled against him. There was no way he could pay that much money; he'd go bankrupt.
Naturally, he filed for an appeal, but the winner of the case was already beginning to hound him for money, hoping to get at least something before the judgement was overturned. John was nearly at his wit's end before he found an unusual package in his mailbox.
It was from a couple of his friends, who all went on to law school when John left to create a startup. They'd all been very successful, and had gone on to be justices at various levels, from courts in a small county in Wisconsin all the way to the Supreme Court. When he opened it up, he was surprised to see an ink drawing of a thick wooden stick. It was signed by his friends, and accompanied by a note:
> Hey John, > > We're sorry to hear about your loss in court last month. We met up at a judge conference in the Davison Center, and we thought that we'd do something special for you. We met up in the Grapefruit Room and all worked together to draw this. We hope you enjoy it! > > Your friends
Now, John had been to D.C. a few times, and knew about the Davison Centre. It was renowned for its very offbeat architecture. The Grapefruit Room was one of the weirdest: it had been constructed by taking a world-record grapefruit, carving out the flesh, and preserving the rind. The result was a walk-in fruit, and it always smelled of citrus.
It took John a while to work out the significance of the gift, but when he realized it, he was overjoyed. His good friends had seen fit to grant him a stave judge-men penned in a peel.
silence
"All who oppose say Nay"
"Horse county has been without a leader forβ¦"
We're driving up to university and the traffic is really bad because a town near the one my uni is in is hosting a massive airshow on the airbase they have there, so everyone is driving up small county roads to both university and the airshow.
After four hours sitting in tailbacks to travel 20-25 miles, my granda sighs and says, innocently, "What do they want to go and see air for anyway?"
I was google searching for water pipes between counties
Me: why do all of these links include something about frozen water?
Coworker: oh that's hard water.
I was talking with my brother when he mentioned that Indianapolis takes up an entire county.
I replied, "New York takes up an entire state!"
Lee County, FL, local news announced the arrest of Richard Freshwater.
Reporter: "Officials say they've been searching for Freshwater for over a month."
My Dad: "Damn, they must've been really thirsty."
A police officer, while out on patrol, pulls a brand new sports car over for speeding. He walks up to the car and sees a large, dirty pig in the passenger seat. The cop says to the guy driving "Why do you have a huge, filthy pig in this brand new car?" The guy says to the officer, "I don't know what to do. My father just closed his farm and sold the land, and gave me his prized pig. His farm was the last in the county, and I live in a small house. I have no idea what to do with this pig!" The officer then says to the guy, "Well, take him to the zoo!" The guys eyes brighten and thanks the officer for the brilliant idea. The officer lets the guy go, and off they drive to the zoo. A week later the same police officer is on patrol when he sees the same new sports car. He pulls the car over and walks up to it only to see the same pig in the passenger seat. "What are you doing?" says the officer, "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!" "I did," says the guy, "and he had so much fun, I am taking him to the movies."
That was one of the two jokes my dad told me all the time when I was a kid.
When I was in high school, I babysat 2 boys (who at the time of this story, were aged 7 and 10) for some extra cash. One day I was eating dinner with the family when the younger brother said that he couldn't wait to be in the fourth grade like his older brother.
"It's not that great," said the older one. "Once you're in the fourth grade, you have to read a bunch of books for a summer reading log and write a report on one." (In my county, there are mandatory summer assignments, the most common ones are English assignments.)
Their dad said, "Summer projects are good! They help stimulate your brain over the summer! If you don't brush up on your education for those three months, you could lose all of your smartness and never get it back!"
Older brother: "Yeah right. And how did you find that out?"
Me: "Well, they do say that firsthand experience is the best way to learn."
