It will make said tweets Elon-gated
I sometimes go to the βIdiot of the Yearβ event in our prairie town, where each year hundreds of people from the town and nearby villages gather in the community hall for jokes and a guessing game. It starts with various people coming on stage to tell bad jokes, and finishes with the guessing game, which involves the master of ceremonies pulling a blanket off a mystery object on stage. The first person to name the object gets the βIdiot of the Yearβ trophy, which is an old shoe nailed to a block of wood. Three years ago, the object was an old bicycle, and Melvin Sneeter, who works in the local hardware store, was the first to yell out βbicycleβ. Two years ago, Cynthia Frizzle, a housewife from the nearby town of Spuzzum, was correct with βtricycleβ. And last year, the object was a bit more difficult, so the trophy wasn't awarded, because nobody knew the name of that one-wheeled contraption that you must balance and pedal.
When two vegans get in an argument? is it still called a beef?
We couldn't see eye to eye, and I found out she was seeing someone else on the side.
Why do they put fences around cemeteryβs? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?
So the sad day comes that a family must lay their grandfather to rest. He wished to be buried alongside his wife in the family plot. Unfortunately the family plot is up a long, tall hill and the access road doesn't reach all the way.
The pallbearers dutifully begin to haul the casket up the hill when disaster strikes! One of the pallbearers twists his ankle and instinctively grabs for the casket to steady himself, resulting in all the other pallbearers falling along with him and grandpa going Rogue, his casket sliding down the hill and steadily gaining speed. People are leaping, diving, scrabbling to try to stop their runaway corpse when the pastor charged with giving the graveside sermon calmly reaches into his pocket, retrieves a piece of candy, and--with expert aim--tosses it ahead of the casket. When it reaches where the candy dropped the casket stops dead in its tracks. One of the family members, surprised beyond grief, asks "What on earth did you throw!?"
The pastor responds "Oh, ever since I started doing these services regularly I've kept a packet of lozenges with me. They help stop the coffin."
SubpoeΓ±a Coladas
I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
It was a good bit.
To infirmary and beyond!!!
He wanted to C#.
I guess the steaks were just too high and I was too much of a chicken. So I tried to move Beyond Meat jokes but found that to be Impossible.
If I liked it, I should've put a ring on it
β¦after being caught redhanded stealing from the kitchen section of Bed Bath and Beyond.
Upon being interrogated he told the police, βIβm sorry! I canβt help it! The thrill of theft just makes me feel alive. I guess Iβm addicted to taking whisks.β
"That's easy," I replied "that's Mount Inous"
Her name is Simone Lee.
They go above, beyond and behind.
They're wrong on so many levels
It was in a really crappy mood.
Oh sheet!
It's a timeless classic.
I figured it would be on Amazon Video.
My 3 yr old daughter was about to much down on a burrito and I said wait, eat this end first (because it was open on that end) and she looked at me and said, no, I don't want to eat the end, I want to eat the beginning.
Props to the dad (or grandpa, rather) who's probably had a lifetime of experience:
(waiting on a table, family is getting into it about politics)
Grandpa: That's asiten!
Son: Acid-10?
Grandpa: No, asiten. As in beyond asinine!
It got a good chuckle from me.
SΓ©once
Says he's been working for years on a pier-edge
They donβt want to get the sheets!
but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
Turns out it was a total sham
meat
After a long and successful television and movie career Mr. T hit a rough patch and fell on hard times.
To help pay the bills he began side hustling and started a pool cleaning business. Soon, the business took off and Mr. T was so happy with his newfound fortune.
One day, however, Mr. T came across a pool that was so incredibly dirty it was literally beyond his ability to clean it.
With a tear in his eye, Mr. T turned to the homeowner and proclaimed: βI pity the poor pool.β
Don't they carry essential oils?
But you gotta fight! For your right! To part A!
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her. I said, βNo. I canβt deal with high maintenance women.β
Bud Light beer.
... are beyond the PAIL!
She wanted to buy a mirror and asked me for my opinion.. I told her.
"I can see myself buying this "
She groaned , and was worth it..
Because that would be over dos.
is it still called a beef?
