Bewildering Puns

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

I looked at him bewildered and told him because $2.00 doesn't make cents.

A nurse asked her what's wrong, and my wife screamed, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"

The nurse shook her head and said, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."

My wife's face contorted in pain as she shouted, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"

The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.

"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."

He said "I guess that makes me a farmer."

I look at him, bewildered.

"A corn farmer."

I’m terrified of spiders and had to summon my boyfriend to relocate a rather large one hanging out on the back door.

Him: Actually I think I’ll put him in a jar. We can keep him as a pet and name him Frank.

Me staring at him bewildered:.... name him frank?

Him: Yes because he frankly terrifies you.

He looked bewildered and replied, "Who, me?"

I woke up early for work,and was getting dressed while my girlfriend lazily poked at her phone. I was laying out my clothes, saying as I go: "undershirt ... work shirt ... underwear ... jeans ... French bovine ... can't wear shoes without the French bovine ..."

I noticed my girlfriend was staring at me, bewildered, but also wearing her "what sort of stupid thing are you saying now?"

I asked what was the matter, and she inquired what a French bovine is.

I said, you shouldn't wear shoes without ...

A Paris ox.

edited: stupid mistakes. It makes better sense now.

Was rock climbing at the gym with my brother yesterday and we saw a girl struggling to make a move. Her friend yelled for her to put her left foot into the nook by her knee, and I suggested that she put her right foot into the Kindle. Nothing but bewildered looks.

Went ice skating, she was wearing gloves that were meant to resemble Koala bears. I told her they wouldn't let her in if she was wearing them. She looked at me, bewildered.. so I informed her that her gloves didn't meet the koalifications.

He told me to "Go with your gut feeling". Immediately after he said that I reached over and started touching his stomach. Bewildered, he asks me "What the fuck are you doing?" and I simply reply "Gut feeling."

My mother was talking about a friend of hers who is really skinny because she works out all the time.

Mom: All she does is bike and exercise, she doesn't even have a stomach.

Me (with a purposely bewildered look): Then how does she eat anything?

Many eye rolls and groans were had and my wife just glared at me.

Today, my husband is cooking dinner and I gloriously get to observe. I see he's reaching into the cupboard and taking out the rice, then pipe up,

"Oh, so we are having really small rice then?"

Cue, bewildered look, shortly followed by an impressive groan.

Yep, it was minute rice! My dad would be so proud!