I can’t believe it’s not butter!
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing “Don’t stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'
Until I fell into a printing press.
I can’t believe it’s not...
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?
Does this pun believe here ?
Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me
But then I found some concrete evidence
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.
You can say I'm agnocchic.
Nobody believes me when I say I can name the prime minister of Canada
I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
Can't believe 2020 is already over.
Believe it.....
My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO
Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t know this sub existed. I gotta say, I am a HUGE FAN!
I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
Why should you never believe a clock?
It usually has second hand information
Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Christmas
Because they make the toys!
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory
All I did was take a day off
What do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa Claus?
So what do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa Claus?
A rebel without a Claus (insert all the groans here)
I’m so glad 2020 is over, but I can’t believe we have to go through it again after 2021...
After all, it’s twenty twenty too
I can't believe chickens haven't come up with a new sound yet
Maybe they should start thinking outside the bawks
I can't believe I've become attracted to statues...
Now I've really hit rock bottom.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely....
.....if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I had a friend join at cult that believes when they die they become water vapor
I told him they will be mist
Dad: "I can't believe 2007 was 10 years ago."
Kid: "It wasn't..."
Dad: "I know. That's why I don't believe it."
Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa ?
Because they're the ones who makes the toys.
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet
Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because
that was an ice-olated incident.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are “Out of Order”
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.
I can’t believe somebody stole my dictionary.
I believe in a cosmic force...
I am especially attracted by gravity, it keeps me grounded.
I believe that Jafar will, go on.
I can't believe that somebody stole my protections spells.
I'm starting to believe this 'flat earth' thing...
... every photo I've seen of the earth is flat!
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to “Don’t stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker
but when I got home, all the signs were there
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