Barricade Tape Puns

I've released an update to my Police Tape mod, adding the much-requested ability to spawn barricades without tape attached, and adding new configuration options and performance improvements for spawning police tape.

I've also released three new mods:

• The Traffic Signs & Barricades Pack with over 80 different realistic traffic signs and enhanced functionality including working flashing warning lights on barricades

• The Utility Truck Interaction script which lets you control utility trucks including full up/down and rotation control

• An accompanying Enhanced Utility Truck vehicle model with flashing lights, stabilizers, and an updated livery.

Check these out for use with your LSPDFR and GTA roleplay scenarios!

I live in a quiet neighborhood that doesn’t get a lot of solicitors; maybe three or four times a year. I have a three year old and a pregnant wife and I was cooking dinner and we were chatting about our day, it was about 6:15pm and the door bell rang.

As a rule, at night we don’t answer the door for unwanted solicitors because we find the interactions uncomfortable. I hear my wife say to my son “don’t answer the door, hide over here.” We have been teaching our 3 year old not to simply open the door for strangers or even walk in front of the window when a doorbell rings without a parent.

Couple this with the fact that today we spent $250 to repave the driveway because it was getting old and had some stains on it. There is a yellow tape barricade on the front of the driveway saying DO NOT CROSS” so as to not interfere with the drying asphalt.

That’s when I hear my wife say “oh [husband] she is walking on the driveway!” Turns out as she was exiting she just walked down the driveway as an exit as if she didn’t see the barricade.

I promptly opened the door, voiced raised so she could hear me but not screaming and said “excuse me, do you see that tape in the front of the driveway?”

She was a bit startled and said “I didn’t see it I’m sorry sir.” She seemed genuine, with a hint of trying to maintain professional composure.

And this is where I might’ve ventured into TA territory, I said “if you are going to solicit neighborhoods, you need to pay attention and be respectful to people’s property.”

That’s when she met my annoyed tone and said “I said i was sorry, you act like I did it on purpose or something!!” I was a bit shocked so I told her if she’s going to go house to house disrespecting homeowners I’m going to call the police.

She said loudly “go ahead then!”

I told her I will but I actually had no intention to. But then I peaked out the window and saw her crying, I think, and at first I started to feel guilty. But then I remembered that those solicitors often canvas as a group (3-5 young adults, at ages I’m guessing 18-22 years old) and I got a little worried that her group would see her upset and they would want to start trouble. (Side note I didn’t see her group, if she had one, and had no idea what she was selling, usually it’s magazines but I have no Idea).

So I did call the police. I told them the story just like I’ve told you and they sent a car to the neighborhood, I don’t know what came of it after that, probably nothing. I told the police

This happened approximately a year ago, we were in one of the bank tube station connecting tunnels at about 5PM, if anybody has been on the tube at rush hour, you know how packed together you are.

My partner tripped over a hole in the floor, spraining both ankles and thus had to be wheeled out of the tube station - she couldn't walk at all for a week and had to crawl up the stairs to our flat after spending the night getting xrays at the hospital. (She was given a pair of crutches, which were completely fucking useless with two sprained ankles, but I digress.)

The solicitors that we went to claim (after a year of not hearing from them) that the yellow tape on the floor means that we have no case: https://imgur.com/a/FVMR3O6

The manager of the station at the time claimed that he had logged it in the repair book a week beforehand and that TFL usually fills in these holes within a day or two. (He was also the one who told me to put a 2pence piece to show how deep the hole is.)

Is it worth our while contacting another firm or is this something that we should leave?

Selling this Off White Taipei Barricade Tape t-shirt from the current SS18 collection. Bought from Fakelab, one of the most respected sellers of Off White reps. This is brand new and has never been worn.

Size large and fits true to size. Approximate measurements when lying on a flat surface are: shoulder: 50cm chest: 54cm arms: 21cm length: 76cm

Price is £26. I’m UK based so shipping is £4 nationally, £8 to Europe, or £12 worldwide using a tracked and signed for service. Payment via Paypal invoice. Photos can be found here: https://imgur.com/a/FNj0ftH Anyone serious about buying please get in touch. Thanks

The toy coils are pretty cool and all, but I think barricade tape would've been more fitting as he's a cop (Well, a robot cop.)

There's the case of Dina https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dina_Ali_Lasloom, who got as far as the Philippines, before her uncles dragged her back after duct-taping her to a wheelchair, and then put her in an institution for rehabilitation or killed her.

There's the case of Rahaf, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rahaf_Mohammed, who escaped only after barricading herself into a hotel room in the thai airport. She managed to get worldwide attention for her situation, and was granted asylum in Canada.

The fact that the women could not travel, could not drive, and are considered permanent legal minors is honestly disgusting.

This happened about a month ago, and the story concluded today.

at our motel we regularly give in house lists to police officers so they can perform warrant checks. One day about a month ago a police officer came in, got the in house list, and started asking about a guest in one of the rooms. Turns out they had a warrant for their arrest. So the police go down, knock on the door, and while they are knocking the suspect tries to jump out of the window. He damages the screen but sees cops have surrounded the building so he stays inside the room.

An hour goes by. He has barricaded himself in the bathroom. His girlfriend, who was out of the room at the time tries to get in but he has barricaded the door to the room shut with a table and bolted it with the french lock. So i go and grab the tool we have to pop the lock. I get the door open as two police officers look on, and she goes inside and slams the door, re-barricading herself and her junkie boyfriend in the room.

45 minutes go by. The police have moved off and decided not to raid the room, rather, to just wait it out by hiding and see if they can catch them leaving. Finally the girlfriend calls down to the front desk, pretending to be his mother, and asking if the police are still outside. I tell them "no, the cops left", and 10 minutes later they bolted out a side door. Finally they are gone.

Time to check the room. My manager walk down and see a massive mess. Cigarettes everywhere (This is a non smoking hotel), Some drug needles, 3 printers that have been ripped apart, tons of clothing....and a camcorder.

Our motel has a policy of keeping everything left in the room for a month so it can be claimed so we held on to the clothes and the camcorder but we tossed the junk printers. It didn't matter anyways they never came to claim their things, and today a month or so later, we looked at the camcorder. On it was a video of a man giving a woman oral pleasure. I skimmed through the hour long video to see if anything changes. Just that. For an hour. So i tossed the tapes it was stored on, but i kept the camcorder. Why Not!

EDIT: some people are concerned whether or not it is legal to give out in-house lists. I have no idea, all i know is that i would be fired if i refused to comply, so i do.

I woke up early yesterday morning to the sound of crashing. Jonesy trying to jump out of the barricade over the broken window. Little rascal has his routine down pat now; waits until he knows I'm asleep then makes his exit, knowing I'm so out of it I won't respond. Reminds me of a story one of my older brothers used to tell me about my late CA dad: him and another of my brothers would find him passed out in bed (he went wild after my mom died) rifle through his pockets for change, then go roam the streets for hours, and dad never wised on to them. I guess Jones really is of Del family lineage.

I roll over to check the time on my phone, I can't tell if it's late at night or early in the morning. 0400. Great. I'd made a mental note to head to the liquor store before going to bed the night before. I've done that so many times recently, passing out before I had the chance to restock and having to wait for first orders.

I know it doesn't really matter if I get my booze at night or early in the morning as long as I have something to drink, but it's always the same bald, old, woman serving me if I go for AM booze and I'm starting to get that growing embarrassment we get when it's the same server every day and you know for sure they dislike serving you.

There's some unread messages from CAG and a voicemail. She sounds trashed as fuck and is slurring so heavily I can barely understand what she's saying. Something about giving me money or I can fuck off. Whatever. Text messages are hilarious; some country song YouTube link I'm not going to watch and a line about two people loving each other but not being able to make it work, and that she knows I've cheated on her. That last one makes me chuckle, it's not the first time she's thrown that at me. Narcissistic projection aside I have neither the means nor motivation to go skirt-chasing and I've told her before if I was going to 'cheat' on her it would be by replacing her, and not something as crass as a drunken one night stand. Shit, even you guys know that.

I get up and contemplate having a breakfast beer, as I have my first smoke of the day on the porch. I examine the damage to the barricade Jonesy's done; it's really just a few flattened cardboard boxes pushed flush with the gaping frame of the window. All he has to do, really, is just push here or there to dismantle it and he can slip out, but I guess the name of the game is to get out quietly without waking me up. I used to have an empty bookcase ove

Dimanche 9h30. Je suis tout embrumé à trempoter mon croissant dans un immonde café Grand’Mère en regardant les nuages passer. “Toc toc toc” : un ahuri tapote au carreau de ma cuisine. J’ouvre la fenêtre : c’est l’ancien gendarme.

Tous les villages de France en ont un, ça a remplacé les gardes-champêtres. Non rémunérés, mais ils ont l’ordre dans le sang et leur présence assouplit les rapports sociaux : ils sont une soupape avant les vrais gendarmes. Vous les reconnaîtrez aisément car ils sont souvent équipés d’une moustache, d’un bâton de berger et d’un chien. Le tout arrosé d’un sourire, faut le dire.

Il m’informe qu’un des mes “cochons chinois” se balade à l’est du village, en harcelant des vaches. Argh : Tartiflette, ma cochonne bolivo-thaï s’est donc tirée ? Je la cherchais en vain hier, pour lui donner les tripes des dix poulets que je venais tuer. J’explique que je suis confus, que je mets tout de suite mes bottes pour aller voir.

Je ne perds pas de temps et prends la voiture. En arrivant, j’aperçois l’éleveur et ouvre ma fenêtre pour lui demander des précisions. Il répond en m’insultant : “ta gueule, tu me fais chier, quand on a des animaux on les laisse pas partir, moi si tu le reprends pas ton cochon je te fous les vétos au cul, il terrorise mes vaches ! J’en ai ras le cul, il me font tous chier en plus avec la catarrhale”.

Impossible de lui répondre en m’énervant : je suis désolé pour lui et ne lui rappelle pas qu’il a déjà couru après ses propres moutons évadés. D’habitude, il est adorable… Le mec fait surtout des veaux à engraisser. La dernière fois que nous avions causé, il venait de vendre sa production annuelle : les bêtes partaient en Turquie. En T.U.R.Q.U.I.E. Je lui avais demandé d’épeler tellement j’étais scié. Comment une limousine peut-elle se retrouver en Turquie ? Et elle s’y rend comment ? Par Air Bétail ? Rassurez-vous, la bonne viande ne termine pas sa carrière  en Asie : elle revient ensuite en UE pour être “finie” et servie sur nos tables.

Bref, je lui dis donc que je suis « désolé », bien que ce soit inutile. Je ne pense en effet pas être la cause première de sa hargne, juste un déclencheur au mauvais moment. Techniquement, mon cochon est légal mais barré comme ça dans la nature, je dois bien être responsable de quelque chose. Imaginons que les vétos du complexe chimico-agricole débarquent…

Qui me dit qu’une prise de sang ne révélerait pas une anormalité nécessitant d’abattre ou traiter tous les veaux-vaches-cochons da

I hope that this post doesn't go against any of the subreddit rules but I wished to share some of the book's lore sections since it was only 5 pages long and I know some people here were most likely curious about its fluff.

- - - - - - -

>It was only chance that saw the Cult of the Pauper Princes discovered on Terra. In an age when Humanity suffered one disaster after another, the detection of this latest peril was a blessing from the Emperor. An underhive stimm-deal gone sour triggered a violent turf war between rival gangs in the depths of the Arcology Veracitum nepglis. When the local Adeptus Arbites forces responded to the escalating violence, their quarry retreated into the long-disused mag-transit network dug into the arcology's foundations. It was a transgression neither the fleeing gangers nor the majority of those who pursed them would live to rue.
>
>From out of the subterranean gloom spilled degenerate xenocultists in their hundreds.

++After the GSC attack is triggered and a majority of the witnesses are slaughtered, a single Arbiter squad manages to escape with a Repressor long enough to send out a distress signal as well vid-feeds of the disaster to their precint-fortress 10 levels up before they all get slaughtered.++

>The transmission was enough to trip mutliple datasnoops, seeded into the Terran cogitational architecture by the the agents of the Inquistion. Even before the precint's senior Judge had time to assess the threat and decide upon a course of action, the other Imperial agents were moving.
>
>Humanity's throne world does not house the same kind of defensive garrisons boasted by many more far-flung planets. The Sol System, is, of course, massively garrisoned and fortified against threats from without. Yet to even voice aloud the suggestion that corruption could lurk within the shadow of the Emperor's throne is considered heresy by many. Coupled with hide-bound tradition, and a fear of betrayal whose source is lost beneath the dust of millenia, this notion has long made complex the raising or stationing of Astra Militarum soldiery upon Terran soil. Even the Imperial Fist Space marines Chapter, who have single honor of recruiting from the throneworld, restrict their presence largely to the Phalanx
>
>For all this, Terra is far from defenseless. It is in the nature of the Imperium to accrue layer upon layer of outdated strictures and contradictory bureaucracy. Those who coordinate its

As I pulled up in front of the shop, I had to recheck my directions. It was a dingy little hole in the wall stuffed between a Dollar General and a computer repair shop. It looked like it had just existed here since the creation of the first VHS tape. The windows were covered in thick yellow paper, and the outside was caked in a film of old dirt. The sign on the door said Open, but it was barely visible through the dirty window.

There was no way this place had what I wanted.

When I was a kid, I remembered watching a show on cable called Children of Man. As a kid, the premise of the show appealed to me. The show was about kids living on an island out in the pacific, trying to survive day-to-day trials. The producers had gotten forty kids from all over America, ages 10 to 12, and dropped them off with supplies and instructions on how to survive. The host, Chris Mansworth, was a survival expert, and he would create challenges every day for the kids to complete. There were four teams of ten kids, and the winner of each challenge got something cool for their area of the village.

I watched the show religiously as a kid. Every Saturday night, right after the Simpsons, the show would come on, and I would be enthralled. I always imagined that I was on the island with them, surviving day-to-day. The challenges were always neet too. They had the kids gut and clean their own meat, dig wells by hand, build rafts for the raft race, and make aqueducts so their village could have running water. It was a neat idea, but the show just stopped after eight episodes. No new episodes came out, and the station never gave a reason. This was before the internet, and there was no way to check for updates online. So, the show slipped off into obscurity, and my ten-year-old self just forgot about it.

I remembered the show again a few years ago when mom sent me a box of my stuff from the attic. There were a couple of old VHS tapes in there, and between Batman The Animated Series and The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were eight tapes with handwritten labels that read Children of Men. We had a VHS recorder when I was a kid, and I can remember recording my favorite shows to watch later. I was excited to get to see the old show again, the memories flooding back, and I started looking for a VHS player among the tapes in the box. There wasn't one, but a quick trip to Goodwill and $15, and I had a gently used VCR hooked to my tv. I watched all eight episodes back to back and fell in love

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Chapter 5

Sarah Blanchet was struggling to wrap her arm and drive at the same time. Curled up in the footwell of her Bronco was her teenage sister Lauren, sporting a blonde dyed pixie cut that had started to grow out. You could see the brown hair she shared with her siblings and father starting to show in her roots. Her dad Gabriel, still in his work clothes, was unconscious in the back.

"Laur I could really use a hand with this." She tried to hide the pain in her voice but still said it through gritted teeth. Her blouse had been burned around the area she had been shot and she couldn't hold her ruined sleeve up, bandage, and drive at the same time.

"Is it safe?" Lauren had to shout over the wind coming through the smashed out windshield .

"Ya we lost them.” Sarah instinctively looked to where her rearview mirror would have been, but it too had been shot by the laser fire. She sighed and looked over her shoulder to the clear logging road behind them to double check her statement.

Lauren sniffed as she moved to the seat and helped her sister "Is dad going to be ok?"

"Ya kiddo." She said, trying to sound reassuring, "Ouch!" She exclaimed as Lauren put the disinfectant from the first aid kit on the burn/bullet hole. She turned to a frustrated look on the teens face.

"Stop being nice, you're freaking me out!" She shouted, grabbing some gauze.

"You are freaking out. I just saw my best friend's car blow up with her in it ok! I'm freaking out, but I'm the adult and you're the kid, so I'm supposed to keep you calm. You little shit," Sarah snapped at the girl.

The return to normal actually helped calm Lauren down "I can take care of myself! Unlike you I didn't get shot."

"I got shot getting you from school!"

"I didn't ask you to come get me!"

"I wouldn't have had to get you if you had your driver's license!" Sarah retorted.

"Philip didn't have his license at my age!" Lauren responded defensively

"I made fun of Philip too!"

"Can you two keep it down? My head is killing me" Gabriel responded from the back.

"DAD!" The two exclaimed in unison. Lauren jumped over the seats to embrace him. Gabriel hugged her back, a little surprised. Apparently all it took was an alien invasion to get a hug from the teen.

"What did I miss?" he said, using his free hand to wipe some dried blood from his forehead.

"We're almost at the cabin." His oldest daughter answered.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A few minutes later the Bronco rounded a corner on the road to the Fortres

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.