Three stools walk into a bar

they stay there.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Simounstar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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A horse walks into a bar and sits at a stool near the bartender. The bartender goes "Hi Horse, what can I get for you today?"

The horse looks at the bartender and says "Hey"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/Altus-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Pavlov is sitting at the bar, drinking a beer, when suddenly the phone rings. β€œOh shit!” he yells, jumping off the stool.

β€œI forgot to feed the dog!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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A guy at a bar asked "are you using all these stools?"

I asked, "What? Are you conducting a stool sample?"

He walked away, no words.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePetPsychic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
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A grasshopper hops into a bar, hops on a bar stool, and the bartender says, β€œHey, we got a drink named after you.”

The grasshopper responds, β€œNorman?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadyood
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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We Went Shopping for Tall Bar Stools....

..random older guy walks buy, "My, that's a high chair."

I LOL'd and told him he Dad joked me good!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iced_TeaFTW
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2016
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Two pieces of string slither into a bar...

They climb up a couple of bar stools and have a seat. One of them says to the bartender, "Hey, give me and my partner here a beer would you?"

The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So they climb down off of the bar stools and slither across the floor and out of the bar.

One says to the other,"Lets go down the street. I know of a better bar than this one anyways."

"Now wait a minute, said the other string.This is clearly discrimination!"

"Well what do you intend to do about it?"said the other string?

"I'm going to go back in with a disguise and I'll get that damn beer." So he ties himself in a knot, frazzles up one end of himself,goes back into the bar,slithers across the floor and climbs up the bar stool. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer please."

The bartender says," Wait a minute . Aren't you the same piece of string that was in here a while ago?"

So the string said, "No.I'm a frayed knot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.

Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.

A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!"

The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.

Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.

He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom."

She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you don't mind me asking..." she laughs, looking over his shoulder, "what was that all about?"

He glances back at the bar. "Yeah...sorry," he pants. "I impress you, turned out to be...a pretty cheesy...pig-cup line."

πŸ‘︎ 248
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Why do milking stools only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

(My dad just pulled this one out on us.)

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ‘€︎ u/silentxem
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2016
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Dad jokes

A man walks into a bar.......and table and stool

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drubss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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String walks into a pub and......

So a piece of string walks into a pub, grabs a stool at the bar when he sees a sign that says "Strings not Allowed in this Establishment". He quickly ties himself into a knot before the bartender walks up and says "Hey!, are you a string??"

"No, I'm afraid knot"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvadNamNav
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
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Straight for the jugular

In a group chat with my mom and dad discussing meeting up for dinner.

Mom : ok. We are on the way. We usually get a table in the bar area.

Me : well I'm sitting at the bar drinking a margarita. If you can't find me, check the floor.

Dad : they sweep the trash out every 15 min, so don't fall off the bar stool.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/kimlyginge
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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A Polar Bear Walks Into a Bar...

My Dad's favorite joke:

A polar bear walks into a bar and sits on a stool. The barkeep asks him, "What'll it be?" The polar bear says, "I'll have a scotch......................... and a bourbon" The barkeep asks, "what's with the big pause?" The polar bear answers, "I was born with them!"

[cue groan track]

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnicornRancher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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