My son asked me, βBecause of the pandemic, Iβm on the computer 12 hours a day. Is that bad?β
Me: That canβt be comfortable. Try a chair instead.
π︎ 128
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︎ Jan 25 2021
My daughter told me she was having a bad hair day...
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Why is it bad to be a buffet during Valentineβs Day?
Because people always want a-more
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Day 4: βwhy do you say so many bad punsβ
βThatβs how eye rollβ
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 09 2021
A sheep farmer was having a bad day..
The sheep were all βbaaaβ then another would reply βbaaaβ and another βbaaaβ and on an on βbaaaβ
Finally the farmer bursts out:
βAll right, all right, I herd you!!β
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 11 2021
I am having a really bad day, somebody ripped the front and back pages out of my dictionary.
It just goes from Bad to Worse!
π︎ 45
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︎ Aug 18 2020
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Kermit is having a bad day.
π︎ 100
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︎ Feb 23 2020
The other day a friend of mine told me a really bad gravity joke.
I still fell for it though
π︎ 158
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︎ Jan 17 2020
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
π︎ 28
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︎ Apr 22 2020
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didnβt have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
π︎ 62
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
This pun will BEE great for people having a bad day
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
Bad hare days...
π︎ 16
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︎ Sep 17 2019
So I just had my first day at my new job at Subway... My boss told me they've never seen someone as bad as me...
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 02 2020
I used to make loads of bad jokes back in the day
π︎ 52
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︎ Oct 10 2019
I got a call at work the other day from a doctor at the hospital. He says "I have some bad news... It looks like your wife has been hit by a bus."
I said "But she has a great personality."
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 09 2019
My mom's been cackling at this bad pun for three days.
So my front yard has a lot of weeds and crappy grass I've been trying to get rid of for years. They're mutants, so nothing will kill them. This year, one of the decorative rocks has turned out to be covered by a giant shroom as well. This thing is enormous. It has about a hundred different canopies, but as far as I can tell it's all one organism.
So I was talking with her about things I might be able to use to get rid of all this stuff, shroom included, and after she suggested a mixture of various household products I asked if it would work on fungus as well. She said it was worth a shot and asked why I wanted to know.
I replied, "Because that thing's just taking up way too mush room."
I was over it in a few seconds, but she's been randomly cracking up for days now. Send help.
π︎ 33
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︎ Apr 04 2018
What did the bug say to his bug wife after a bad day?
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 28 2018
The day after our son died my wife came to me and said she felt like she wasnβt grieving properly and she felt bad.
The next day I woke up to her sobbing and I told her βgood mourning!β
π︎ 13
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︎ May 03 2019
If a tortilla chip had a bad day what would cheese say to it?
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 05 2019
After a brain scan, a doctor with bad bedside manor says to his patient seems like I'll see you TU MOR times, because you have TU MOR days to live.
π︎ 4
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︎ May 10 2019
I randomly place these around my work place. If youβre having a bad day, look up at what I drew for you. No, theyβre not my original thoughts, but it makes work a better place.
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 06 2018
John is having a bad day.
John is having a bad day...
He tried to button his shirt and the button fell off.
He picked up his briefcase and the handle fell off.
He went to the door and the doorknob fell off.
Now he's afraid to pee.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 16 2019
I picked up an electric bug zapper racket the other day. All you bad bugs beware...
...I just joined the SWAT team.
π︎ 716
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︎ Aug 23 2016
My dad likes bad puns, so I decided to include some on his Father's Day card envelope. Thought you all might appreciate!
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 17 2018
Me: Honey, I think my short term memory is really bad these days.
Her: How bad is it?
Me: How bad is what?
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 20 2018
π︎ 21
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︎ Jul 30 2017
I ate some bad chicken the other day.
It left a fowl taste in my mouth.
π︎ 17
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︎ Jul 20 2018
Not really a joke but the other day I told my daughter "doesn't 'bad...ass' sound like a person has a problem with their ass? Like it smells of farts". Now she can't hear the term "badass" in any context without giggling.
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 26 2018
I'm going to have an army of angry people after me due to my bad jokes one day...
But it's okay, I'll take my pun-ishment.
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 18 2018
Today is a bad day to go get brunch.
Everyone and their mother is out today.
π︎ 39
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︎ May 14 2017
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 01 2017
what do you call gears on a bad day?
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 27 2012
I told my wife I picked a bad day to stop huffing glue, she wondered why I stopped at all
It turns out I have celiac disease and I'm allergic to glueten.
π︎ 17
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︎ Mar 06 2016
What do you call a bee with a bad hair day?
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 01 2016
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
He's advancing so quickly.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 12 2015
At the end of the day we can say 2020 wasn't so bad.
Because hindsight is 2020.
π︎ 14
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Gandhi was amazingβfasted every other day, walked barefoot, deep thinker...with bad breath.
itβs true. he was a super-fragile calloused mystic suffering halitosis.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 26 2020
How do you know when you're going to have a bad hair day...
when your hair is being... knotty!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 24 2019
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