My son asked me, “Because of the pandemic, I’m on the computer 12 hours a day. Is that bad?”
Me: That can’t be comfortable. Try a chair instead.
My daughter told me she was having a bad hair day...
Why is it bad to be a buffet during Valentine’s Day?
Because people always want a-more
Day 4: “why do you say so many bad puns”
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
A sheep farmer was having a bad day..
The sheep were all “baaa” then another would reply “baaa” and another “baaa” and on an on “baaa”
Finally the farmer bursts out:
“All right, all right, I herd you!!”
I am having a really bad day, somebody ripped the front and back pages out of my dictionary.
It just goes from Bad to Worse!
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.
Kermit is having a bad day.
The other day a friend of mine told me a really bad gravity joke.
I still fell for it though
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
This pun will BEE great for people having a bad day
So I just had my first day at my new job at Subway... My boss told me they've never seen someone as bad as me...
I used to make loads of bad jokes back in the day
I got a call at work the other day from a doctor at the hospital. He says "I have some bad news... It looks like your wife has been hit by a bus."
I said "But she has a great personality."
What did the bug say to his bug wife after a bad day?
The day after our son died my wife came to me and said she felt like she wasn’t grieving properly and she felt bad.
The next day I woke up to her sobbing and I told her “good mourning!”
My mom's been cackling at this bad pun for three days.
So my front yard has a lot of weeds and crappy grass I've been trying to get rid of for years. They're mutants, so nothing will kill them. This year, one of the decorative rocks has turned out to be covered by a giant shroom as well. This thing is enormous. It has about a hundred different canopies, but as far as I can tell it's all one organism.
So I was talking with her about things I might be able to use to get rid of all this stuff, shroom included, and after she suggested a mixture of various household products I asked if it would work on fungus as well. She said it was worth a shot and asked why I wanted to know.
I replied, "Because that thing's just taking up way too mush room."
I was over it in a few seconds, but she's been randomly cracking up for days now. Send help.
If a tortilla chip had a bad day what would cheese say to it?
After a brain scan, a doctor with bad bedside manor says to his patient seems like I'll see you TU MOR times, because you have TU MOR days to live.
I randomly place these around my work place. If you’re having a bad day, look up at what I drew for you. No, they’re not my original thoughts, but it makes work a better place.
John is having a bad day.
John is having a bad day...
He tried to button his shirt and the button fell off.
He picked up his briefcase and the handle fell off.
He went to the door and the doorknob fell off.
Now he's afraid to pee.
I picked up an electric bug zapper racket the other day. All you bad bugs beware...
...I just joined the SWAT team.
My dad likes bad puns, so I decided to include some on his Father's Day card envelope. Thought you all might appreciate!
Me: Honey, I think my short term memory is really bad these days.
Her: How bad is it?
Me: How bad is what?
I ate some bad chicken the other day.
It left a fowl taste in my mouth.
Not really a joke but the other day I told my daughter "doesn't 'bad...ass' sound like a person has a problem with their ass? Like it smells of farts". Now she can't hear the term "badass" in any context without giggling.
I'm going to have an army of angry people after me due to my bad jokes one day...
But it's okay, I'll take my pun-ishment.
Today is a bad day to go get brunch.
Everyone and their mother is out today.
what do you call gears on a bad day?
I told my wife I picked a bad day to stop huffing glue, she wondered why I stopped at all
It turns out I have celiac disease and I'm allergic to glueten.
What do you call a bee with a bad hair day?
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
He's advancing so quickly.
At the end of the day we can say 2020 wasn't so bad.
Because hindsight is 2020.
Gandhi was amazing—fasted every other day, walked barefoot, deep thinker...with bad breath.
it’s true. he was a super-fragile calloused mystic suffering halitosis.
How do you know when you're going to have a bad hair day...
when your hair is being... knotty!
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