A meet-chute
Maps, maps, maps... Thanks for coming to my ToAD Talk.
She must not be heeling it today.
Because its two in tents.
Cucumbersum.
I was buying cake and candles for my wife's 29th birthday yesterday. The clerk scanned the cake and the "2" and "9" candles and said, "Oh, someone's having a birthday, huh?"
"Yup, it's my wife's birthday today," I replied. "It's amazing, really. She's already 92, yet she doesn't look a day over 90."
An Awklander(Aucklander)!
Everyone in the audience was asking us to stop.
Yeah, you gotta stop doing that with your car.
I guess the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it...
and you notice that suddenly, your neighbor is crushing them.
He just couldn't figure out the algo-rhythm!
Because they have to talk about the elephant in the room.
The bumblebee
I said well this puts me in an awkward position…
We were at the Christmas tree place yesterday and I saw the little tiny table topper trees and proudly announced to the family, "that's the one we are all done here" while pointing at one of the little guys. I got eye rolls and groans, but I chuckled.
We are walking around and another family enters. That dad proudly proclaims "there's the perfect tree!" While also pointing to the baby trees
I'm not sure how I felt about the experience other than dad level 100.
Sadly however, i got no reaction
They were in an awkward position
As he flew in it, I said to everyone, “That’s my pal-in-drone!”
I asked him what her name was while we had Buffalo burgers, and he revealed his name. I made sure to cut the dinner short after that. My wife thought it was because I was ashamed of him, but that wasn't true at all.
I was just excited to say "Bye son" to my Bi-son after he finished eating his Bison.
Bears. They get the bear mini-mum
Who’s there. Nobel. Nobel who. No bell, so I just knocked.
Space X
I was shocked!
They never want to break the ice.
When I tried to break the ice, it only made things worse.
Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes
A fish out of water
because he usually use baa soaps.
One weak.
Credit to my old math teacher, who is no longer with us. Here are some more of his gems:
“May the fours be with you” he’d say whenever a problem ended in 4.44444
“Algebra is like salad, it has lettuce” (letters said in a Boston accent).
.
Ecuadork.
German children are always Kinder
I took him to the beach, lost him for a little while, and well, things got awkward real fast.
My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.
A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.
I’m not very good at small talk.
They're always bent out of shape.
I guess you can go to bars alone'a.
A main part of my body is called the nervous system
Boy, were my kids glad I came back with their TV.
Awkward
I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it....
I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
