I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely....
.....if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I went to an outdoor mall today and there was guy misting water at people as they walked by. My wife quickly avoided him.
Mister mister missed her.
When my family went to France I made sure we avoided the Eiffel tower because I was afraid it would suck our blood.
Laser eye surgery is a scam and should be avoided at all costs.
I had the procedure done 10 years ago, and I STILL can’t shoot laser beams from my eyes!
Avoiding people can be Avoided if they are in a void.
A Rabbi paid a visit to the village of "Trid," where they were being relentlessly kicked by an angry troll. The troll completely avoided the Rabbi, kicking only the locals. He finally approached the troll, and asked why.
The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
So how come the scientist avoided the boardwalk?
Because of the pier review
Today my father hit his thumb with a hammer while holding a nail. He asked me how he could have avoided it.
He answered "just hold the hammer with two hands instead"
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
What room do ghosts avoid?
How do you avoid incoming attacks in videogames?
You take advantage of dodgy programming...
To avoid Covid on my flight, they converted the whole plane to Catholicism and started praying.
Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...
A robot from the future decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
I avoid bike trails after dark.
They're full of cycle paths.
What's the best way to avoid getting killed by sheep?
What STD can fishermen never avoid?
I just printed out a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid saying the wrong things and getting into a fight.
What kind of restaurants do Vampires avoid?
To avoid getting addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers...
...it's time to quit cold turkey.
Why does Santa avoid wearing masks?
Because he is Claus-trophobic!
To avoid taking down my Xmas decorations...
....I am turning my house into a Chinese restaurant.
Natives of the African jungle, when avoiding predators, call the distance between you and a lion a ‘wimb’
Because the lion in the jungle is always a wimb away.
Due to the pandemic, we should all avoid buying butter.
Together we can stop the spread.
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.
It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
You should avoid beef when trying to lose weight
Most folks avoid the beach for dolphin hunting
The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow but I recommend avoiding it for the time being,
People will be lined up for blocks.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Don't buy any kind of fungi. They take up too mushroom.
A pun for my final protect title
Hello! I have to make a presentation about how to avoid a shark attack for a final project in my english class. I suck at making titles, but can anyone come up with a clever one using puns?
Why should you avoid a pirate laundromat?
I saw a post in my feed about avoiding procrastination
I always try to avoid cracks in the pavement
I made a bet that I could avoid horses for a week
Needless to say, I ignored all the neigh sayers.
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"
Dad: "To avoid such questions."
Want to know the best way to avoid accidents?
As a chubby guy, I always avoid wearing skinny jeans.
I find it extremely difficult to pull it off.
There was a man who despised negative numbers...
He’ll stop at NOTHING to avoid them!
Why didn’t ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
How do you avoid clickbait?
After a procedure... Doctor: Avoid strenuous activity for the next two weeks
Me: Can I play piano?
Doctor: Yes you can.
Me: Wow! Thanks! I never could before.
I just had a physical.
The Doctor said "don't eat anything fatty".
I said "you mean avoid burgers and bacon, that sort of thing?"
He said "no Fatty, don't eat anything".
Why should you avoid hunting deers with a shotgun?
Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.
Why should people with heart disease avoid sleeping outdoors?
Because camping is in tents.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely...
...if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely...
...if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I just printed a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid conflicts and not say the wrong thing.
I am terrified of negative numbers...
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
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