I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
What room do ghosts avoid?
How do you avoid incoming attacks in videogames?
You take advantage of dodgy programming...
To avoid Covid on my flight, they converted the whole plane to Catholicism and started praying.
Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...
A robot from the future decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
I avoid bike trails after dark.
They're full of cycle paths.
What's the best way to avoid getting killed by sheep?
What STD can fishermen never avoid?
I just printed out a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid saying the wrong things and getting into a fight.
What kind of restaurants do Vampires avoid?
To avoid taking down my Xmas decorations...
....I am turning my house into a Chinese restaurant.
To avoid getting addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers...
...it's time to quit cold turkey.
Why does Santa avoid wearing masks?
Because he is Claus-trophobic!
Due to the pandemic, we should all avoid buying butter.
Together we can stop the spread.
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.
It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
You should avoid beef when trying to lose weight
Most folks avoid the beach for dolphin hunting
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Don't buy any kind of fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why should you avoid a pirate laundromat?
I always try to avoid cracks in the pavement
I made a bet that I could avoid horses for a week
Needless to say, I ignored all the neigh sayers.
Want to know the best way to avoid accidents?
As a chubby guy, I always avoid wearing skinny jeans.
I find it extremely difficult to pull it off.
After a procedure... Doctor: Avoid strenuous activity for the next two weeks
Me: Can I play piano?
Doctor: Yes you can.
Me: Wow! Thanks! I never could before.
How do you avoid clickbait?
Why should you avoid hunting deers with a shotgun?
Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.
Why should people with heart disease avoid sleeping outdoors?
Because camping is in tents.
Why do ghosts avoid Bed Bath and Beyond after eating Taco Bell?
They don’t want to get the sheets!
Why do anti vaxxers avoid listening to Queen?
I'm selling books on how to avoid saying the wrong thing and getting into fights.
Which interview should you avoid asking Clark Kent to give?
2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco
6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas
9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles
The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight
What do you call a Sith Lord that avoids conflict?
Sometimes I go to the bathroom at work to avoid responsibilities
I like to say I'm stalling
How do you avoid death?
You stay in the living room.
Introverts are social vegans who avoid meet
Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel in 1939 called "Gadsby", which completely avoids use of the letter "E".
I’ve discovered the secret to avoid crying while chopping onions:
Try not to get emotionally attached.
I asked my Dad “how do I avoid the draft?”
He said put a sweater on.
Why do deer avoid bakeries?
Because they've been told that people eat doe-nuts, there.
I’m deathly afraid of elevators, in fact I take a lot of steps to avoid them.
I've always had an irrational fear of stairs, but I'm taking steps to avoid it.
What do ghosts do to avoid dying in car crashes?
They buckle their sheet belts!
So my dad asks: do you know how to avoid clickbait?
My dad says stopping Iran is necessary to avoid war.
I said ‘how does my not running solve anything?’
I just printed a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid conflicts and not say the wrong thing.
Why should people with heart disease avoid sleeping outdoors?
Because camping is in tents.
I’m deathly afraid of elevators but I’m taking steps to avoid them.
As a fat guy, I try to avoid wearing skinny jeans.
I find it very difficult to pull it off.
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