At graduation the psychiatrist was given a wicker attache

It was his first basket case

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/googonite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims...

He's a mad keeler!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Apple’s newest product attaches directly to your face!

Introducing the iLash

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The psychiatrist was excited to receive a wicker attache. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GregoryTheBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
If you attached a small engine to your ear...

...it makes you an engineear.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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I attached all my watches together, to make a belt

It was a waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsozso01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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At Disney World on a hot day, saw someone with one of those portable misting bottles attached to a fan for cooling off. I said, "I want a mister fan."

My wife, without missing a beat, says "Please, Mr. Fan is my father."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolls20s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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What can you attach to a ball, a harp, or a cart to make something completely different?

β€œoon”.

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.

Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.

It went off without a hitch.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldb477
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill

I got mixed results.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Free guitar...

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 359
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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I've started writing songs about my attachment issues.

I'm calling it Cling Rap.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FBI_Official_Acct
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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If I attached a watch to my belt....

It would be a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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The man who invented velcro died today :(

Rip

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schwifty98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I'm starting up a festive business where I attach Christmas bells to men's neckwear..

Good Tie-dings to all men!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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He was tucking in his shirt after the microphone was attached why ?

He talks from his ass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaggedSolid6
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call someone who is sexuality attached to everyone as long as they have a sense of humour

a punsexual

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aggeliki04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the guitar player refuse to take a loan ?

Because he wanted no strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/primeboy217
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of nut is attached to the ceiling?

A Wall-nut. From my 8 year old son tonight. I am so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilovecostcohotdog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My fucking dad was sending me some credentials, and he attached this photo with it.... Sorry if this doesn't fit here.
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snacks_is_Hungry
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Coughy Filter (see attached meme)

https://imgur.com/a/wi51bYh

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrsmarquez5117
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the tv show where hot air balloons are attached to peoples cars

Blimp My Ride

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brandon_Mercer078
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
No strings attached, trust me
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arm3tt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I forgot all about the balloon I attached to the water hose outside!

Edit: oh wow, this blew up!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the pirate say when the man asked about the wheel attached to his crotch

Argh, I don’t know, but it’s been drivin me nuts all day

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bombdogjr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried attaching my watch to my belt buckle

I then realized it was a waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whymustudodat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I happily hummed as I attached the final arm to my dead girlfriends torso...

I made Mary!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was once told that old married women have a bushy appendage attached to their lower back

But apparently it was just an old wives tale

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luscious_Glory
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a guy driving a truck with a port-a-potty attached to the back...

He must have a shitty job.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProDisco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Pixar decide on a name for the movie about an elderly man who attached balloons to his house?

They made it Up.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontstoprock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbors couch has been in the hallway for 5 days. I want to attach jokes to the couch but I'm having trouble.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squagoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I just spent three hours attaching a bunch of watches together to make a belt.

I’ve just realized it’s a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrontosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...

With friends like that, who needs anemones?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together.

Totally nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pancake_Pollack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a lift with a sign attached that said "due to an error, this lift can't go down"

My first thought was, "well, that's uplifting"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weetabix_gryphon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was being very noisy attaching cross-laced string to an oval frame. I had to tell him...

Stop making that racket.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My son decided to attach a watch to his belt

I told him it would be a waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dycrno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Meditate on it
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OffDutyTaoist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. Bartender looks at him and says β€œwhat’s with the steering wheel?”

Pirates says β€œAaarrrrrr it’s driving me nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I attached all my watches together to make a belt..

It was a waist of time...

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pusilli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should you never attach a watch to your belt?

...because it would be a waste of time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jRadu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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