I was going to write a joke about martial arts, but I decided that it was to offensive
Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:
Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?
Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.
Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.
Bush: That was definitely an art pun.
http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022
Edit: Grammar.
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
Pay for the pizza π.
But then I saw someone who had a tutu tattoo, too.
I was quicker to the draw.
Crap on your neighbors doorstep then ring the doorbell - that's an art installation.
Ring the doorbell THEN crap on his doorstep - that's performance art.
I guess I'll give it the old collage try.
They were always a bit sketchy.
I wanted my report card to spell out F art
His name was Broco Lee
Pencilvania
My teacher said, I'm the perfect roll model.
It was stolen from right under my nose.
Thatβs why itβs called βart appreciationβ
I have a blackbelt in partial arts
Nice touch.
He calls it his afro-disiac
...on the continental shelf.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
I asked about it once and he said βI like to bill them later.β
Theyβre calling it Mercedes-clenz
BroccLee
Because in France, one egg is Un ouef.
I have no monet.
Itβs pretty shit
They allow you to take-one-dough.
I figure, what do I have Toulouse.
Is a draw.
You just don't get surprised, you also get bamboozled
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘F art
Partial Arts.
Those dustbins must be very intelligent.
He drank it before it was cool!
(My old Language Arts teacher said this.)
One of the most tragic is the art of hand making exit signs which is really on the way out.
What do you call making paper figures that sit on your desk?
Stationary art
Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.
I called it GandOwlF
It requires a lot of monet.
