ARTE Puns

I was going to write a joke about martial arts, but I decided that it was to offensive

Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:

Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?

Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.

Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.

Bush: That was definitely an art pun.

http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022

Edit: Grammar.

Is a draw.

I figure, what do I have Toulouse.

One of the most tragic is the art of hand making exit signs which is really on the way out.

Those dustbins must be very intelligent.

I think he would have Louvred it

I have a senseitional trainer

They disappeared without a trace.

Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.

Carved Tree

I called it GandOwlF

It requires a lot of monet.

Art Art Art Art!!!

We all drew near.

He was a Monet launderer.

In baseball, many men chew, but few men smoke. In Chinese martial arts, many men smoke, but fu manchu.

His name is Oscar Moo-neigh.

Partial Arts

Fart

It ended in a draw.

Rob Boss.

The Carroty Kid

He said: “Suuuuureee YOU can!”

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

Port-raiture

Because he Noes

They did nazi his artistic talent

After only 4 weeks he was a black belt in Tae Kwon Dough

from*

Help me think of more celebrity food puns please!

The menu includes such dishes as:

-Marilyn Mon-roast beef -Patrick Stew-art -Tim Curry -The Cate Blan-cheddar burger -The Audrey Hep-burger -Hayden Panet-tiramisu -Leonard Nim-oysters

Add moreeeee

I reached my statue of limitations.

Art class: Pencil Drawing 101

Kung flu.

I'm proud of my fan art.

Kara-tea

No one expects the Spanish ink sedition

But then I found out that would be massage-ony.

But when i came back i couldn’t find it. Where did my Van Gogh?

He was diagnosed with aesthetes foot. (OC)

Me : but that’s where I draw the line

I’ve started studying Muay Suit and Thai.

They make art easely accessible.

It’s called “The Art of Seaduction”

I said, “Awesome. What type is it?”

He said, “ Two thirty.”

I replied I kendo it.

Eh.

Literally just had this one made up by my 10 year old. So proud!

But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.

Billy replied “I drew a blank”

they are both empty rappers

Justin judeau

I'm starting to think the therapist didn't make a spelling mistake.

Because its a Nietzsche market

because every second line in a movie is "Wataaah!".

Bruce Leaf.

Apparently it’s a dying art.

Baa's Relief

Poor Exemplo

Yard Art is strictly prohibited.

He was having an eggs and stencils crisis.

It seemed a little sketchy.

I asked:

"Muay Thai prove you wrong?"

I didn’t win but the judges said I made a real ass of myself.

Mooy Tai

Judo

He sets it on a plinth and tells the students they’re free to take a couple after class is over. Halfway through teaching the senpai or sensei’s assistant approaches and tells him he has an important phone call. He tells the class to find a partner and practice. He comes back fifteen minutes later and the plinth is knocked over, the bowl is in pieces and the wontons crushed and scattered about. He is dismayed that his students would engage in such sensei-less wonton destruction.

Aiketo

I guess you could say it's a dying art.

Who's there?

Art.

Art who?

D2

She really loved the moosaics.

Edit: moosaics instead of mosaics

I told him he should draw a conclusion.

But I just can't get into it.

But it was too sketchy for me. Something drew me away from it

It turned out to be a draw.

Partial arts