Applaudable Puns

...Australians usually boo meringue

Congee-rat-lations 😬😬😬

There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”

Lettuce romaine calm

It takes balls to do what they do

He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”

A jolly rancher

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

It's unthinkable.

Because they're neigh-sayers.

It was riveting.

Cleavesdropping.

Shoutout to my wife for dropping this one on me.

Edit: About 6 people have responded with "peek a boob" already. I applaud the effort, but to me that would be better nickname for nip slips.

"I usually go by either." "Okay Either, nice to meet you!"

A slice of Apple Pie in Jamaica is $2.00 . It is $2.50 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

a labracadabrador

He pulled a mussel.

https://i.redd.it/y1m1za6ajzgz.jpg

Credit goes to /u/Yakev

People applauding because you got hit really hard.

4 words: Venison's dear, isn't it?

3 words: Stationary store... moves.

2 words: Dwarf... shortage

(c) Jimmy Carr - That magnificent basterd.

I applaud these jokes because each of them is setup + punchline as well as a pun!

// I was a little dissatisfied with the results of my latest trip to the barbershop yesterday.

Friend this morning: I actually kinda like it!

Me: You know, I slept on it, and I think it's grown on me a hair.

// Me applauding and high-fiving myself internally.

Because the mountain climber is a scalar

So I get back home from college this weekend and my mom was explaining to me how we had a pretty bad ant infestation coming in through our kitchen wall.

My dad proceeds to tell me that he's gone through two bags of ant bait (they pick the food up and bring it back to the hive) already.

I say, oh wow you must be getting pretty good at killing ants then, and he says "I guess you can just call me the master-baiter". I had to stop and literally applaud him. My mom just rolled her eyes as usual, but I have to give it to the old man this time.

I said, "I won't stand for it".

My bf says "But would you sit for it?"

I told him he wasn't biologically a dad and it wasn't fair for him to be making dadjokes. He said two years as my children's "dad" was enough training.

The English professor went first. He thought for a minute, then stepped up to the mic and said:

Slowly across the desert sand, Marched a lonely caravan, Men on camel, two by two, Destination; Timbuktu.

The audience applauded. Then it was the Native American's turn. He stepped up to the mic and said:

Me and Tim a huntin' went. Met three gals in a pop-up tent. They were three, we were two, I bucked one, Tim bucked two.

My dad's favourite joke:

"See that cemetary over there? Did you know that nobody living within a 1 kilometer (mile) radius is allowed to be buried there!"

"But why dad?"

"Because it's illegal to bury people that are still living"

My wife was reading one of those touching (read: sappy) Christmastime stories to the kids before bed tonight. She was getting a bit teary-eyed by the end, and was having trouble seeing the pages.

Wife: "Sorry, kids, my eyes got all leaky."

7yo: "Oh, your eyes have a leak in them?"

Wife: "Yeah."

7yo: "How did you even get a vegetable in there?"

Wife and I applaud. This is the kid who usually hates my dad jokes.

So me and my grandparents are very close and we go out to eat at least once a month. One day we went to a restaurant that had a special on Natty Light. He orders one and I ask him, "Of all the beer they have on tap why would you order Natty Light?" To which he responds. "Natural Light is like making love in a canoe" I give him a confused look. "It's fuckin' near water!"

I applauded.

My brother came over after a few weeks of being away and my cats were going crazy, attacking each other and just being really excited. I say to my brother "Man the cats have been really going crazy since you got here." To which my dad said "Yeah you must be a CATalyst or something." My brother and I applauded.

I was shocked. Usually Australians boo meringue.

I was surprised. Usually Australians boo meringue.

I was confused because I thought Australians usually boo meringue.

I was shocked. Usually Australians boo meringue.

I was surprised, as Australian's usually boo meringue.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Complete waste of money. All he does is stand there applauding and saying he loves how smooth it is.