Why does Cristiano Ronaldo keep his room clean?

Because he don't want it to be Messi

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📅︎ Oct 20 2022
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Cristiano Ronaldo phones up Buckingham Palace and asks to meet the Queen

...since he is a megastar with lots of clout, Buckingham Palace agrees and a few days later he gets his meeting with her.

"Your Majesty, a couple of months ago you ennobled an eye scientist for his contributions to ophthalmology," said Cristiano. "I saw it on TV and was touched by his story, how he grew up in poverty but eventually became this great and learned man. He reminds me of myself a bit, how I grew up poor but managed to become a great footballer."

"So," says Cristiano, "I decided to write a play about him, all about the study of eyes and how they work as well as the scientist's life story. I have brought the manuscript to you, so that you can deliver it to him in person."

Cristiano hands the Queen the manuscript that he is carrying. The Queen squints at his handwriting on the front page of the manuscript..."I'm going a little blind," she says, "please could you tell me what it says here?"

Cristiano replies, "Eye Play for Man You Knighted."

"Yes I know that, you idiot," replies the Queen.

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📅︎ Oct 17 2021
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Why is no one copying Cristiano Ronaldo's celebration?

Because they might be siu'd

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📅︎ Mar 26 2022
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