Inspired by several prompts/posts:

An image prompt that no longer exits with a goblin holding a book.

A Teaching Tuesday Post

A Music Prompt

Huge thanks to u/OldBayJ for luring convincing me to finish this story and cheering on through the process. Check out her awesome subreddit ItsMeBay for scary stories, fun stories and... yeah just awesome stories.

Anthimeria

The air was turning stale inside the office as Tuff and his superior Kace glared at each other. They both stood at their full heights and jutted out their jaws and chests. Gob had taken a seat next to Tuff and read her book, her short goblin legs dangling off the chair’s edge.

“There was a family behind,” Tuff said. “Are you telling me I should’ve abandoned them? ”

His superior, a bearded man with a balding head, let out a snort of disbelief. “You risked the lives of the others. The rescue would’ve been a disaster if the demons had returned for another check. You were just lucky, Tuff.”

“Seems like that happens quite often, doesn’t it?”

A meaty hand slammed down on the desk between them. “Tuff. I don’t know what higher magic is watching over you, but you have to stop with your antics. One day, that luck of yours won’t be able to pull your ass out of the fire and someone will die because of it.”

“I found an opening and succeeded, what’s your problem?”

“We don’t try to save all, Tuff. We try to save those we can. If you can’t get that in your head then you’re free to leave. And you can take your rodent with you.”

Gob paused in her reading and bared her fangs.

“You have no say over my partner.” Tuff’s voice turned hard as he put a hand on the back of Gob’s chair.

“She’s a liability, Tuff. When people think of mages from Pax Arcana, they certainly don’t think of goblins.”

“We’ve had this talk before. Do I have to repeat why Gob is important — “

“Look, just calm down on your hero-antics. That draws a lot of bad attention towards you from the higher-ups and shoots strays at your partner.”

Tuff bit down on his tongue. He couldn’t deny that no matter what he did, people seemed to have complaints about how he acted. Either that he was reckless or that they didn’t trust Gob.

Kace pushed a file towards him. “You’re ne

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

This is probably a horrible description of what I’m talking about, so I’m sorry!

My main examples are stuff like “Facebooking,” or “planking.”

I have googled it in many ways and I am not finding the answer…I know it, but cannot remember at all what the term is called. I’ve been through a bunch of lists of literary devices/terms/etc and nothing has been it yet…

Thanks in advance!

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

Amy

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Until he discovered it was extra sharp.

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.