Short
They really bend over backwards for their country.
They're just shocking at heart!
Me: You sure I have to go tomorrow?
Dad: Yes. The family is expecting you. Just talk to David and he can help you out.
Me: Roger That
Dad: No his name is David
Last night I was driving home and had a police officer following me. I tried my hardest to go the speed limit. As I was driving, I saw a wild turkey running towards the road. I slammed my breaks but still hit the turkey. The bird flipped over my car and hit the police officer behind me. The cop then turned on his siren and pulled me over. He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.
Edit: get consent people
"Mr. Rock, may I slap your behind for the sake of an amazing pun that the people will remember for years to come"
It was best cellar.
What a night mare.
2 doubles and you start feeling single again.
I’d say he’s a seasoned pro.
It was Pear-ilous!
which is cool because i only live 3 doors down.
It can write other words, too.
We just clicked
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
It still amazes me how they get the jars that big.
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet.
It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
From Twitter.
I told her thats dirt cheap
It just happened. I'm evolving
Because good help is hard to find.
because after that is 2020 too.
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
His shop name? Toupee or Not Toupee.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
It blew him away.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"
Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink
The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.
Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"
Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."
Bartender: "Why do you say that?"
Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Disclaimer: Not original.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision
I guess tri, tri again is the way.
This might be a little unconventional but i’m thinking of starting a charcuterie/grazing board business, and would love a punny name for it !
Some examples that i’ve seen have been “get grazy” “amazing grazing” but can’t use those for obvious reasons
So if you guys have any punny suggestions to do with cheese , grazing , platters , etc :))
The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.
The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.
The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
They only do their job once they’re fired
For instance, in America they call Tyrannosaurus Rex a T-Rex and in England they call them a Tea-Rex
Ctrl,shift,esc.
(Task manager shortcut)
Rad-ish
The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a poor few of the show. So, the juggler stands on a wooden box and asks, “Can you all see me now?”
“Yes” “Oui” “Si” “Ja”
Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...
But I am still looking for the pink cows!
So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"
