Gandhi walked barefooted for miles. This made him thin, but being a strict vegetarian because of his spirituality also contributed to his weight. This diet also affected his breath as many of his friends are known to call him a…
Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
Son Roach: what are the side affects of Raid?
Papa Roach: suffocation, no breathing
My obsession with animals has been negatively affecting my vocabulary.
I’ll have to take giraffe stick measures to improve again.
That concussion really affected both sides of my brain...
In the left, nothing is right...
In the right, nothing is left...
Why aren't ant colonies affected by the Corona virus?
They've got little anty-bodies
Covid is affecting Pawnee…
How do you console an English teacher?
My laboratory co-worker asked how I spent last evening. My response was, "I studied the affect of aqua-thermal, chemical, and friction exposure to various ceramics, metals, and plastics in a constrained environment." She was duly impressed until, upon clarification, I explained...
"I washed the dishes with hot water under my wife's close supervision."
How does a snake show affection?
With a Kissssssssssssssssssssssssss
Environmentalists are debating whether or not to remove a local beaver population. Leaving them would cause flooding, but removing them would affect wildlife.
Damned if they do, damned if they don't
I'd explain how starch affects your body...
...but it's a complex carbohydrate. You wouldn't understand.
Johnny Cash's cover of that Nine Inch Nails song used to make me really emotional, but now it doesn't affect me at all.
I think I've achieved Hurt immunity.
The stress of my job is affecting my marriage. In fact, my wife just called me a wigwam and a teepee…
Did anyone see the news story about the HIV virus mutating to affect citrus plants?
I make a living selling popped balloons
They might not work, but at least they aren't affected by inflation
From last year to this year the helium shortage has really affected my business.
I'm so tired of the ups and downs. I'm just ready to pop.
BREAKING :: Lebanese President Michel Aoun states there will be no additional disaster relief funds for those affected by blast.
A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.
That detective must be from Florida
Because he's an investi-gator
Cats in Communist countries are forced to eat the same thing every day and it affects their health!
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
What would happen to all of us if the zombie virus only affected redheads?
Google Maps: Your route may be affected by winter storm Uri.
I hope you’re not in a Uri.
We're all affected by this.
How does one’s height affect their sleep?
Taller people sleep longer in bed.
My wife is always taking health food crazes too far.
Now, it's even affecting my driving.
She took the carb - orator off my car.
Why can’t cows be affected by any strong force?
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.
I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.
What do you call a disease affecting crows?
Ireland's economy isn't being affected as much due to COVID-19...
It would seem that their capital is always Dublin.
TIL the host of Dirty Jobs is now a college proffesor who teaches students about money management and how spending affects the world around them.
The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.
Too much can affect your vowel movements!
While some say reddit posts don't affect your future, getting reddit gold is really...
Au-spicious.
While this joke is bad, I doubt you've reddit before.
I read on The News Yesterday that Dyslexia Affects Ten out of Two People!
How does cocaine affect pigeons?
All this stuff about GMO's affecting farmers, but what about tractors? Do you support tractor's rights?
My wife says I'm more interested in speaking Spanish than showing her affection.
Sounds to me like her confidence has taken hablo.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
EDIT: HOLY my first award! Thankyou stranger!
The Ontario Cannabis Store reported a data breach affecting 4,500 customers
They say the police are trying to weed out the culprit.
My wife always gets mad at me and tells me I have poor sense of direction, and it is really affecting our relationship....
So I packed my things and right.
I didn't realize getting a vasectomy would affect my sex life...
But turns out it makes a pretty vas deferens
I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!
That’s right!
.... Everyone.
My wife always refuses to kiss me while we are out grocery shopping.
She hates Publix displays of affection.
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