I would cheat the Golden Globes. Hell, I would even manipulate the Academy Awards. But I would NEVER
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyjets4life6
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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TIL that academy award winning actor Bruce Dern was originally a train engineer.

Dern tootin’!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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My wife insisted she has nudist genes

I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans

Edit: there->their

Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/S93C141
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I got kicked out of the Mime Academy for performing unspeakable acts

Kind of glad they kicked me out because their curriculum made me feel boxed in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chef_Boiardee11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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I was rejected from the astronaut academy

I guess the sky is my limit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PossiblyDumb66
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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The pope visited the Naval Academy this weekend...

It's a place of warship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purplereindeer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
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Why do lesbians only shop at Academy for sporting goods?

Because they hate Dick's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Winfinity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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I'm gonna write a gritty action movie about a mathematician who loses his memory and has to uncover a conspiracy inside the Berlin Academy.

I'll call it: "The Euler Identity"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nman130
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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My sister's boyfriend is going to the Naval Academy in the Fall...

He was telling us all how nervous he was that he wouldn't fit in there, and my dad says, "don't worry, everyone there will be in the same boat."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparrownowl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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Why did The Weather Girls join the military academy?

They're training men! Hallelujah! They're training men! Amen!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_itnoc_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Did you hear that spandex got nominated for an academy award?

It's for best supporting roles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitethunder9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
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British police confirm that an entire northern town has gone missing

unfortunately, they have no Leeds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demon969
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
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What kind of school do belly buttons go to?

Navel academies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lg_3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Did you guys hear they're making the Oscars significantly shorter this year?

It's the 90 second Academy Awards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TenFlyingBricks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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A joke that takes a while to evolve

To celebrate the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, the scientific community joined together for a party. As is common at such gatherings, the Biologists began to argue about what species was the most suited to its environment. Finally after much heated debate, a group of scientists pledged to spend the rest of the year exhaustively researching the Biological record to once and for all determine which creature was the ultimate example of adaptivity and proficiency ever to live.

Yesterday, the results were announced at the National Academy of Sciences. The creature identified as the most adaptive and proficient in Earth's history was a previously unknown animal from the Mesozoic era, a water dwelling insect that thrived for a hundred million years.

It was ... a FishAnt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Where do oranges go to school?

The Navel Academy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dreurmimker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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Where do belly buttons go to college

Naval Academy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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Pseudo shower thought during the Army-Navy game last weekend.

West Point Academy only offers a General education.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mhoke63
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2015
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