My wife apologized for the first time ever today
She said she's sorry she even married me.
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︎ May 21 2022
A friend of mine wants to start a business marketing barbecue tools exclusively to the growing number of police who abuse their authority.
He calls it "All Cops Are Basters"
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︎ Apr 18 2022
What do you call it when people accuse Johnny Depp without listening his side?
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︎ Apr 22 2022
What is an stoner acrobat's favorite substance to abuse?
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︎ Mar 13 2022
I used to play football with my abusive brother.
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︎ Mar 28 2022
Drug abuse
You know, I don't understand why people abuse drugs, like what did they ever do to you?
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︎ Feb 15 2022
Johnny Depp testified against Amber Heard in court to show us his own side of things.
He gave his Depp Position.
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︎ Apr 27 2022
I had a joke about my abusive father...
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︎ Jan 31 2022
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with Sharks....
It cost me an arm and a leg!
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︎ May 27 2022
Just roll with it.
I just scared my daughter as I was carrying a bag of frozen rolls. She thought I was going to hit her with them and that would be child abuse.
I told her no, it wouldn't be child abuse. It would be assault with a breadly weapon...
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︎ May 23 2022
I am an abusive and violent guy.
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︎ Aug 09 2021
An abusement park
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︎ Mar 26 2021
An abusement park
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︎ Aug 10 2019
Reddit faces lawsuit for failing to remove child sexual abuse material
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︎ Apr 25 2021
Breaking news regarding the notorious abuser of a certain Irish novelist.
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Iβm addicted to abusing nuns, I just canβt not hit them, the only thing thatβs worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
Iβm trying really hard to kick the abbot
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︎ Feb 12 2021
What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?
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︎ May 01 2021
I abuse alcohol.
Do i really abuse or Aboooze it?
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︎ Apr 21 2021
What do you call a smart drug abuser?
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︎ Jun 17 2020
Just been asked by a group of kids outside the Spar shop if I would get them 20 Richmonds.
Stupidly I agreed and got them a packet.
When I handed them over, I couldnβt believe the abuse I got off the cheeky little bastards after doing it!! Told them next time they can get their own sausages!!
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︎ Jan 19 2022
My wifeβs sister brought her new boyfriend over to meet the family at my house.
Heβs telling us about his family and that his dad is essentially dying of kidney failure. I was taking the trash out and looked him in the face, summoned my best deadpan expression and said, βAre you kidneying me?β
Turns out his dad was abusive and pretty awful so he laughed it off while my wife attempted eye murder on me across the room.
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︎ Jan 02 2022
Today I learned my son hates r/DadJokes. He's been spat on, punched, and verbally abused for his own opinion...
I don't even want to imagine what'll happen when he leaves the house.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
What do you call a person who disses abusive words
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︎ Jan 29 2020
Ever hear the one about the domestically abusive dwarf and his tall wife?
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︎ May 13 2020
Why couldnβt the Egyptian get out of her abusive relationship?
She was still in de-Nile.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Why was the drummer arrested for emoji abuse?
He kept hitting the cymbals
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︎ Jul 01 2020
People who abuse steroids have ill-gotten gains
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︎ Dec 13 2019
Sit-ups and crunches are classic forms of abuse
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︎ Oct 28 2016
I have a book for alcoholics and drug abusers
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︎ Oct 30 2019
Where can you look up the definitions of drug abuse, alcoholism, and problem gambling?
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︎ Nov 08 2019
Two domestic abusers, very similar features...
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︎ Jan 11 2020
People that do a lot of crunches go through a lot of abuse.
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︎ Dec 01 2019
It was about rape so the pun is better. Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/bq2qvn/peta_parent_freaks_out_at_my_animal_abusing_ways/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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︎ May 18 2019
Abusive Flashlight
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight?
He was charged with battery
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︎ Nov 08 2019
It shall commence on 4/20
π︎ 37k
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︎ Mar 19 2018
A man was found abusing words
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︎ Apr 18 2019
What does an abusive butcher do to get off?
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︎ Dec 31 2016
After many abuses, the horse finally rebelled after a lack of food.
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︎ Dec 21 2018
So I heard Michael Jackson was accused of child abuse
I guess you could say those kids where hit by a smooth criminal.
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︎ Mar 17 2019
i went to rehab for abusing soap
i just wanted to get clean
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︎ Aug 10 2019
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Why don't they send alcoholics to jail for substance abuse?
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︎ Jul 08 2019
What do abusive parents wear?
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︎ Sep 12 2018
I had an abusive father growing up who was a professional wrestler
It wasn't that bad though, because he never really hit us.
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︎ Mar 22 2019
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