I said, "That's probably why."
It was called "Webster's Dictionary".
...farting because there's no windows.
.....when I refer to her as my ex girlfriend.
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great
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An absolute cracker
But, I'll be 0K
But, venue say nothing at all.
I wish they would hurry up and leave.
It’s hit or miss.
Don't worry though, he's 0K
I don’t anymore though Now I’m an extractor fan
Don't worry though, he's 0K
EDIT: Y'all need to chill with the puns 🤣
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
A broken drum. You can’t beat it! Not bu-dum-ch
"Supplies!"
The pastryarchy
I am not a dad. I am a daughter. For longer than I can remember, I have called my dad at "too early" times in the morning, woke him up, and told him a joke. This was a daily occurrence. Hence how I found this sub.
My dad died on Monday. You guys helped me wake him up with laughter so many times and I got to hear him laugh every day. Thank you r/dadjokes.
Edit: spelling
Wow I really did not expect so many people to see this post or to take the time to comment and reach out to me. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. It really means a lot. This is a great community and I'm so glad to have found it. As a mom to two beautiful little jokesters, I will absolutely continue pestering them with daily jokes and keep the tradition and the laughter alive.
For those asking, his favorite jokes were the really long ones that took forever to tell and had bad/ the best punchlines. The one that immediately sticks out was posted here either Sunday or Monday and was the last one I got to tell him. I will see if I can find it and figure out how to link. It was about a farmer who really loved tractors.
Thank you to the kind redditors who found it for me.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/slwg7y/bit_of_a_story_to_this_one_but_well_worth_the_read/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Because all the coffin.
"Well they aren't meant to be worn as every day clothes. It's high fashion."
"Oh. So you have to be high to wear it."
*facepalm and cringe*
*Walk away in triumph.*
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Absolutely nothing.
I asked her to grab a chair.
And it's even more stupid backwards!
He’s the new temp.
I've taken many steps to avoid them
But the wooden underwear on the other hand gives me splinters in my nether-lands!
EDIT: NEther regions to Nether Lnads!
He was the fleeced na'vi dad.
Merry Xmas y'all
He is doing better currently and conducting himself properly
ShamPOO!
She said absolutely! All the others were nines and tens
…he’s absolutely peachless
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Old family jokes, which means I’m sure variations are out there for both of them that most of you have heard
#1- an elderly woman is watching her normal sitcoms when suddenly the news cuts into her show to show live footage of a madman driving the wrong way on the interstate! Worried sick, she calls her husband, and says “honey, there’s a madman driving the wrong way on the highway! Be careful on your way home!” Her husband responds irritated, “what are you talking about? There’s not only one madman! There are hundreds of them!”
#2- a cop pulls over a man who was speeding. He approaches the car and asks for license and registration. The driver says, “I’m sorry officer, I can’t do that! You see, this car is stolen so the registration isn’t under my name! Also, the gun I used to steal the car is in there and I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable!”
The cop is obviously a bit flustered, and asks for the man to roll down his back windows to look in the backseat. The man replies, “honestly officer that’s impossible, as I have 10 kilos of cocaine in the footwells and don’t want to expose them to outside!”
At this point the cop is quite worried and has his gun drawn, asking the driver to open the trunk! The driver replies “officer, I’m afraid I can’t do that due to the two bodies I have in my trunk!”
At this, the officer runs back to his car and radios for backup.
After about 10 minutes, the police sergeant drives up and with his gun drawn asks the man for his license and registration. The driver says, “absolutely sergeant, no problem” and hands him a perfectly normal and legal registration and license.
The sergeant then says, “and I hear you have drugs in the back seat!”
“Oh not at all, sergeant!” Says the man, opening the back window. The car is very clean and the footwells empty.
Confused, the sergeant then asks: “what about your trunk? I hear you have two dead bodies in there?”
“Not at all officer”, says the man, “only my groceries!” Popping the trunk, it’s obvious there’s nothing wrong with the driver or the vehicle.
“I don’t understand; my officer told me you told him all of these things. What’s going on?!”
The driver responds “I bet he told you I was speeding, too, didn’t he?”
I went back to the store and they gave me a new one free of charge.
...absolutely buzzing
It really takes me back man.
Greetings Reddit. This isn't your classical dad joke, but I bet that this sub definitely has some memers versed in this particular art. I have an odd but noble request. A request that will probably involve you abandoning some of your morals and going to lengths that you never thought possible. Some of you may not survive this, others will be scared for life. For those of you who do survive, all I can promise is an absolute abundance of vicarious comedic climaxing.
I am looking for the most complex, well-executed, strategically sound, stealthy, and grandiose ligma joke of all time, one that my friend will not see c(u)oming. He is very, very well-versed in ligma jokes, so this will be a difficult task. For example, just today I tried to get him with a Europe joke (Europe on this dick), but he caught it right away, didn't even flinch. I got him with a Samir joke a few weeks ago (Samiring these nuts on your face), but that's the only recent success I've had (really had to tee that one up too). I even asked him if he wants to hear about the new girl I'm talking to named Wilma (Wilma dick fit in yo ass) AND HE DIDN'T EVEN RESPOND.
As you can see, I'm at war with an absolute psychopath who is extremely well-versed and capable in this particular style of warfare. I'm looking for a complex ligma joke that he will never see coming. I will go to great lengths to achieve this sweet comedic release. I am talking about some pepe silva level shit. I am talking fake my own death just to jump out of my casket at the funeral type shit. So, please send any recommendations. Before you call me a normie, this war is based on layers and layers of irony.
The bartender greets them: "Hi, you come together? We have a great deal"
One of the Jedi asks: "what's the deal?"
"2 for 1 shots of vodka" says the bartender as he shows a bottle
The second Jedi ignites his lightsaber and cuts the bartender down... As he says
"Only a sith deals in absolut"
It turns out that all of the other parents were also dropping their kids off at the pool.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
