I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.

The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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What do you call a guy who comes across a bit rude and abrupt?

Kurt.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I was reading a bedtime story to my daughter when the book abruptly ended. We were both perplexed, and my daughter asked, β€œIs it over?”, to which I replied,

β€œYep, that’s all she wrote!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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My friend wanted to ask a girl out, but every time he'd get her on the phone he'd freak out and abruptly disconnect..

He had too many hang-ups.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Ross and Rachel went for a drive and the car stopped abruptly. Wondering why, Ross looked at his legs and

...they were on a brake!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maraudershake
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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Many French guillotine victims had their heads

[Removed]

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishslap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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I was talking to my dad and he abruptly changed the topic to Indian food

It was a real naan sequitur.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alpha_1100001
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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A scientist sits down with some colleagues at the lab cafeteria:

"Oh hi Bill! We were just discussing the promiscuous mating habits of blood-sucking arachnids." Bill abruptly grabs his tray and stands up to leave.

"Sorry guys. I don't discuss poly ticks at work."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Make_it_perfect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Music that ends abruptly ends on a cleffhanger
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kubrick_Fan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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A sou chef from a restaurant abruptly quit

The executive chef was so mad, he said "Do you know how hard it is to find a chef with a law degree?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_am_El_Toro_Loco
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
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My dad stops abruptly in front of his car in the parking lot and looks at the hood...

"SHIT!" ....patiently waits for someone in my family to see the bird poop he is staring at while my mom is freaking out about a possible dent.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seewhatyadidthere
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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Here are 10 things I dislike in no particular ordee
  1. When my plans are abruptly cut short.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justanothernewbie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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TIL that the Bloods once owned then destroyed 9% of the Bitcoin market in 2014

Higher ranking members of the Bloods held 9% of the coins that had been mined up to 2014. They suddenly and abruptly destroyed the wallets that contained the bitcoins in late 2014.

It wasn’t discovered until 2017 when a former member spoke to the press when the prices spiked. When asked the reason for destroying the fortune he said β€œcause it’s a Crip-tocurrency”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinetsu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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Dad at the airport

Dad's turn in the check-in line comes up and walks up to the counter, hands in his armpits, elbows out, bobbing his head forward and back as he walk, which was abrupt yet fluid.

He gets to the counter, "brock! bock bock bock"

The lady at the counter says: "Excuse me?"

"Brock! brock bock bock bock" says my father

Worried she says "Can I help you check in?"

My father stares at her, bobbing his head forward and back. The lady looks confused, worried, looks at the rest of the line with eyes pleading for help.

My father then stands up straight, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was this chicken counter" and proceeds to produce his proper papers

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fauwks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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Dad-joked by a toilet

For all of my life, my brain has played a soundtrack. At all times, in all places, I hear music going through my head, from the moment I awaken in the morning until I go to sleep at night. I can only shut it off by listening to other music, watching a movie, etc. but it soon starts up again once the outside source of stimulus is removed.

Yesterday I was travelling. When I visited the restroom prior to boarding my flight, the the music in my head suddenly switched tracks from "I've Been Everywhere Man" (that got really old after the first hour. Oy!) to "Africa" by Toto. "That's odd", I thought to myself, "the music in my head usually doesn't switch tracks unless something has changed around me." I finished my business, cleaned up, stood up, and turned around to flush.

Then I saw it. There, emblazoned on the porcelain, was the word "TOTO". The manufacturer of the toilet. "Nice job, brain, funny, hah-hah," I thought to myself.

The song in my head came to an abrupt halt. Silence, for just one moment. Blessed silence. Rare for me. Then I realized. My brain was giving me time to digest the previous joke. Waiting for me to think I'd arrived at the punch line. Pausing for a beat before it delivered the next one. "Africa" started over again, telling me exactly why the DJ deciding songs in my head had picked this exact moment, this exquisite situation, this exact set of circumstances to deliver the internal Dad Joke of the year:

"Doodoo doo-doo doodoo do dooooooooo...."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/txgsync
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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Oh, dad.....

Dad(Sitting on the computer behind me): Thewierdside come here a second.

ignore because of GTAV

Dad: Thewierdside!

Me: I'm coming!

Dad: Hi coming, i'm ejaculating.

do you know what an awkward laugh sounds like? because i do. It's when you laugh hysterically for 2 seconds then abruptly fade when you realise what your dad just said....

EDIT:

Oh yea, and why'd he call me on to the computer? he wanted a place to watch movies, so after that debacle, i suggested going to /r/fullmoviesonyoutube

Me: www.reddit.com slash r slash Full, Movies, on, youtube. no space

He, of course, wrote:

www.reddit.com/r/fullmoviesonyoutubenospace

said it wasnt working then laughed when he told me he typed in exactly what i said.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWierdSide
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2014
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Dad had a joke ready for the upcoming snow storm

My dad and I were driving when he abruptly stopped the story he was telling to tell this joke:

"What do snowmen eat for breakfast?"

"Uh, I don't know dad."

"Frosted Flakes!"

Laughter was forced.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zorgtron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2014
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Just a dad teaching a son to drive

Arriving at a red light Dad: Don't make this stop abrupt, ohp ohp... That was an abrupt stop. Me: (laughing) Shut up, dad! I knew it would be... Dad: You didn't start stopping early enough. Get it? Start stopping? Stop starting? (Dad laugh)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyBoiz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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Overheard a dad at the YMCA of the Rockies this week

I asked this family where they had come from as I moved their luggage. They told me they had driven somewhere around 12 hours that day and were very ready to just go to bed.

But as they got to the door the Father stopped abruptly in front of all of us and said, "Oh no! We can't stay here. The sign says 'Service dogs only'."

To which his whole family died a little on the inside and I rolled on the ground laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imighthaveachode
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
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